Page 15 of How We End
“Then let’s forget together.”
She took my hand, kissed my wrist, dragged her mouth along my thumb.I cupped the back of her neck and pulled her mouth to mine.Her fingers worked the buttons of my shirt.A soft moan slipped from her lips as my hand moved down, cupping her bare breast, rolling her nipple between my thumb and forefinger.It had been so long since I’d done something this careless.
“We should move this to the bedroom.”She stood, pulling me from the couch.
The bedroom was bathed in blue neon that shone in from the large floor-to-ceiling window.The entire room was on display.Cassidy stepped out of her skirt.She was long and lean and perfect.“Your turn.”She ran a finger up the buttons of my shirt.
She watched as I heeled off my shoes, then moved to my belt and the button of my pants.Her breath came out in a huff as I slipped out of my pants.“Fuck me.”Her eyes raked over me and landed back on my face.“Please.”
It was the way she said the word “please.”The soft desperation I felt every day I prayed to whatever god was listening that today would be a good day.That today I’d be better.On the ice.In my head.To my team.“That’s what I hope to do.”I moved closer to her.
She pressed her body closer to mine, pressing soft kisses on my jaw.Her hand slipped into my boxers.She smiled up at me.“I think you have a little more than hope,” she said, backing me to the bed.“In fact, morehopethan I’ve seen in a long time.”
“You’re just saying that because I paid you.”I cupped her ass, grinding against her hip.
“No, Julian.You paid me to fuck you, not lie to you.”She rose up on her toes, and her breath was warm in my ear.“I hope you know how to use it,” she whispered before she pushed me down on the bed.
I sat on the bed, watching her step out of her thong.I was going to fuck her.A woman I’d paid.A stranger in a hotel.A woman who moved like she didn’t know all my failures.The goals I had missed.The days I hated being me.She stepped between my legs.I cupped her ass, pulled her closer, pressed my mouth to the flat plane of her stomach.
This wasn’t about the release sex would give me.It wasn’t even about her.I needed to feel like I could still take what I wanted.Like I was still good at something.
Like I was still me.
Her hands slid into my hair, tugging until I was looking up at her.“Condom at all times.Do you have any questions?”Her voice was low.
“How many times?”
“How many times for what?”
I rested my chin on her stomach.“If this all ends in, like, five, maybe seven minutes.What do we do for the rest of the three and a half hours?”
“We wait for you to get hard again.”A wicked little smile crossed that perfect mouth of hers.Her grip tightened in my hair.
“Not me.”I kissed her stomach before I stood, picking her up and setting her on the bed.I pressed a knee between her legs, kissing her stomach.She rose up on her elbows, watching me, her breath unsteady.
“You think this will end with me coming first?”
“I know you will.”My mouth followed the line of her hip, slow and deliberate, my tongue brushing bone and skin as I made my way to her breast.I drew one tight peak between my lips, savoring the way her breath hitched as she arched into me, her nails pressing into my biceps.
“Don’t believe me?”
“No.”Her lips were parted, her gaze steady.“But I’m willing to let you try to prove me wrong.”She reached for the dish of condoms on the nightstand and handed me a golden packet.
Before everything had happened with Emily, I had used sex as a way to unwind.A way to clear my head.I wanted that back.I tore open the gold package, not taking my eyes off of her as I rolled it down.“And if I do?”
“Then I guess you win.”Her voice was breathy.I could hear the need.A need only I could fulfill.
“Then I guess I do.”I eased her back onto the bed, pressing a kiss to her neck before dragging my nose along her skin.Her scent clung to me—soft and clean.It grounded me.For the first time in a long time, everything stilled.No noise in my head.No failure.No fear.Just the sound of her breath in my ear as I pressed deeper.Her fingers cut into my arms with each thrust.I ran my thumb over her bottom lip, then along her jaw.Her blue eyes were bright, her cheeks flushed.
“Fuck, Julian.I think you’re going to win this one.”
For once in a very long time, it felt like maybe everything would be okay.
Fuck Anders for being right.
* * *
I finished dressing as Cassidy held my tie.Her cheeks were still flushed from what we had done.It was an odd night.We fucked, then talked about stupid shit like growing up in a small town.Then we’d fuck some more.It was like stepping into the middle of a relationship with someone.
