Page 72 of How We End
I untangled myself from him and sat up.Julian was an attractive man when he was all dressed up in his game-day suit, his hair artfully arranged to look like it did now.When he was being number thirty-five for the Las Vegas Desert Coyotes.When he was guarded.But when he was Julian stretched out on the crumpled sheets, he made my heart ache and body crave to be next to him.When he wasn’t guarded, he was beautiful.“What’s wrong?”
“Why do I want to confess everything to you?”he whispered.“To make my problems yours?”
I took his hand.His knuckles were cut and his joints swollen.“The same reason I would lie, cheat, and steal to have one moment with you.”These stolen moments would catch up with me.Maverick would catch up and there would be a price to pay.Maverick didn’t like to be second.“Tell me.”I pressed a kiss to his wrist, watching the effect I had on him.The way his breath slowed and his jaw unclenched.Such a different effect than I had on Maverick.
“The game is against LA tomorrow.”He sat up, tracing circles on my leg with his finger, his eyes following the movement.“She’s going to be there.And the world is going to be watching.They’ll be waiting for me to fail.”He lifted his eyes to mine.“What if I do?What if I can’t play?What if everything they say is true?And I am washed-up.That I am half the player my father was.I want you to come, but then I don’t because what if I fail?”
“Julian.”I cupped his cheek.I had been so afraid to give him power over me, afraid he would use it against me.And here he was, laying it all out.“I don’t care if you fall on your ass.And if the world thinks you’re washed-up, I’ll tell them to fuck off.I’m not with you because you play hockey.”I was with him because I… because he made me feel important.“If you wanted to quit tomorrow, I’d still be here.And you’re not those things.So stop listening to all the noise.Don’t let them get in here.”I tapped the middle of his forehead.
“What if I fuck us up?I don’t know if I can do this without…” He looked down at our hands.I knew what he was thinking because I felt it too.It was this little tug right under your ribs.It was easy to ignore at first.But then as time went on, it became more of an ache.It took your breath away.Until one day you realized that tug was bringing you closer to someone.To saying those three words.
I rested my head on his shoulder.We both sat quietly, watching the planes that hung over Las Vegas.“I’ll come to your game.”I pressed a kiss to his shoulder.
“Thank you.”He rested his head on top of mine.
The words whispered in the dark room were less about hockey and more about us.
LA vs Las Vegas, Score 2-2, Final Minutes of the Third Period
City Center Arena, Las Vegas, NV
December 12
“And with that goal, Vegas has tied up the game.What a shot that was, Shawn.Silver snuck it past Kozlov’s blocker and up over the shoulder.That’s Silver’s first goal of the night and his second point.”
“Yeah, Jon, and you can see LA getting frustrated.Vegas is playing a very disciplined game tonight.Very few turnovers.Abramov’s turned aside twenty of twenty-two shots—rock solid between the pipes.”
“That’s right, Shawn.Vegas is dictating the pace—oh, Host just cross-checked Silver into the boards!Silver’s down and has not gotten up!The puck is still in play!Murry’s screaming from the bench.Refs have finally blown it dead.Silver’s up and being helped off the ice by Blais and Tremblay.Cole Graham’s dropped the gloves, going after Host!”
“This should be a major.These are the kind of hits the NHL is trying to get rid of.The Coyotes did not need this.”
“You never want to see this, Shawn—especially to a player like Silver.Host and Graham both headed to the box after that fight.The officials are sorting it out now.Let’s listen in to Ref Cruz for the call on the ice…”
CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE
JULIAN
December 12
LA vs Las Vegas
“He’s out for the rest of this game.”The words no player wanted to hear.
“Shit.”Assistant Coach Sanders paced the floor.“Any idea on how long?”
Dr.Carrillo shrugged.“We’ll take him to imaging tomorrow to see how bad the damage is.If it’s bruised muscles, then a couple weeks.If he tore anything, then I don’t know.”
“I’m fine.I need a little ice and…” The pain started at my shoulder and radiated down my arm, my hip, my back.Even my fucking teeth hurt.
“Silver, ice will not cut it.You shouldn’t have been playing as it is.”Carrillo shook his head.“I’m not clearing him for Edmonton tomorrow.I’ll know more after the scan.But tell Murry he’s out.Silver, you can’t keep doing this.You’re not twenty-three anymore.You keep this up and your career is going to be over.And your mouth is bleeding again.Get that stitched up,” Carrillo said before leaving.
I moved to touch my top lip but almost passed out from the pain.“Fuck.”
“I’m sorry, Jules.Hit the showers.I’ll let Coach know.”Assistant Coach Sanders turned to leave.
“Wait.Can we keep this out of the press?”
“They are going to want to know.”
