Page 40 of Fade Out
“Everyone at the hospital has been kind. I’ve read about hospitals that wouldn’t have let us anywhere near him. Hospitals that wouldn’t accept Brian’s medical power of attorney. I heard about one where the staff wouldn’t even go into the patients’ rooms. They left meals on the floor outside. They didn’t care whether people were too ill to get out of bed and get their breakfasts.”
“The hospital gets credit for simply not being cruel?”
“Nick,” Brian said.
Franklin forged on, “They get credit for treating us like anyone else. They get credit for treating us like Ross’ family.”
“That’s what we are,” I said, lamely. Of course, he was right. The hospitalshouldget credit for treating Ross and us like anyone else. I was just angry because, well, I was just angry.
Franklin went into the kitchen and came back with plates of Chinese food. I was enormously hungry and completely uninterested in food at the same time. My first bite of General Tso’s chicken left me with a dried pepper broken in two on my tongue. It burned. I drank the rest of my second vodka and tonic and asked for a third.
We didn’t say much during dinner. Well, I swore about the pepper a few times, but that was about it. Afterward, Franklin took the dishes into the kitchen. I could hear him washing them by hand even though there was a dishwasher.
“Thank you,” Brian said.
“What for?”
“You introduced me to Ross. Don’t you remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
And then, as if I’d said I didn’t remember at all, he went on, “I had an enormous crush on you. Probably because you’d just saved my life. I showed up on Valentine’s Day ready to make you dinner. Ross was there. And you gave me the brush off.”
“By instigating a three way. Not my finest hour.”
“No, it was perfect. I ended up with Ross because of it. He was still kind of with Earl. And then when Earl died we began spending more time together.”
I couldn’t help but think that there were so many people in the world who would have cursed me for that introduction. It had very likely led to Brian’s having the virus, someday having AIDS. So many people would have hated me for that but not Brian. He thanked me.
More and more I thought life made people more of whatever they were. Brian was good, life made him better. Rita was bad, life made her worse.
“Sugar,” I said abruptly.
“What?”
“When is she coming back?”
“The middle of September, I think.”
“Shit. There’s something I should tell her but I don’t think I should do it over the phone.”
“Can you tell me?”
I thought for a moment. If there was anyone in Chicago who would keep Gloria’s secret it was Brian. So I told him.
“Why does Sugar need to know that? I know she hates Gloria, but I don’t think she’ll be happy to hear—”
“Sugar said some things to me that—well, her husband may have had sex with Gloria.”
“Oh. I see.” Brian took a long gulp of his drink. “She invited us up to Charlevoix. I told her no, but I can change my mind. You should come with us. You deserve a vacation.”
“I don’t think I’m supposed to leave town.”
Franklin came in with two pints of Häagen-Dazs, chocolate chip and strawberry. We made short work of them and then drank the rest of the vodka.
* * *
I had trouble sleeping.Not at first; at first I was out like a light. But around four in the morning, I woke and began to wonder what the rest of my life was going to be like in prison. And then I wondered if it mattered. Everything felt like it was falling apart. Maybe I should let it. Maybe I should just let whatever was going to happen, happen. Not bother fighting back.
