Page 53 of Fathers of the Bride
“So, Pudge and Lissa are talking about an elephant on Instagram?” I guessed.
“And on Facebook. And the Santa Monica Pier.”
“They’re talking about it on the pier? Is that like on YouTube?”
“No, no, no… the party is going to be on the Santa Monica Pier.”
“Oh. Well in that case, the elephant can’t be real. I don’t think they’d let it on the pier. It sounds dangerous.”
“An elephant weighs as much as fifty people. Thirty if they’re from the Midwest.” After the tiniest beat, he added, “The people, not the elephant.”
“But… what do they want todowith an elephant?” I asked, attempting to remain calm.
“I haven’t a clue. I was hoping you’d know.”
“Maybe it’s a joke. You know how it can be hard to tell on the Internet sometimes.”
Neither of us believed that.
“Well, I already have my invite to the engagement party. Now, as for the wedding, I’m going to need a plus two instead of a plus one. I’ve been asked into a throuple, and I think I’m saying yes. I mean, one of them is the nicest man I’ve ever met and the other is hot-hot-hot. Together they make the perfect husband.”
I tried to pay attention to what he was saying, but all I could think wasElephant?What would they want with an elephant?
“Is that a yes or a no to the plus two?” he asked.
“Oh, of course,” I said, knowing full well that the likelihood of the throuple lasting the six weeks until the wedding was very slim.
“So, was that Andrew over the other night?”
“Was that on Facebook, too?” I asked, kind of appalled.
“No, his car was in the driveway.” Then he winked at me and said, “Yes, I know, I’m a real Gladys Kravitz. I can’t help myself. You’re not getting back together, are you?”
“Of course not.” Why did people keep asking me that? “Our daughter’s getting married. We had things to talk about. A lot of things. I made him dinner.”
“Youaregetting back together.”
“Stop it. That’s the last thing in the world I want.”
“Well, if you did want that, now would be the time. It’s been ages since Raj has posted any couple selfies and even longer since he’s used the #randrew hashtag.”
I’d heard about the #randrew thing. Normally, it infuriated me to the point of having to take a Xanax. But that morning, I managed to calmly say, “I’m sure things are fine between them.”
I wasn’t sure, of course. Honestly, I had no idea. I just didn’t want to seem like I cared. And, Ididn’tcare. Really, I didn’t. Not even a tiny, tiny bit. Not at—
“Well, you’re no fun today,” Lucas said. “I should probably go. I have so much to do.”
“Lucas, you don’t work.”
“I know. Who’d have thought a life of leisure would be so grueling.”
I walked him to the door and on his way out he said, “See you Sunday.”
“What’s Sunday?”
“The engagement party!”
I had actually forgotten.
