Page 82 of Fathers of the Bride
I stepped in close and said into his ear, “We have enough time. Do you want to come back to the Maplewood and have sex?”
“Oh my God, I couldn’t. That place is so depressing.”
“We’ll turn out the lights.”
“I have a memory, you know. I’m not going to forget where I am just because you turn off the lights.”
“Miles, you’ve had sex in unattractive surroundings before.”
“Yes, but I was younger then.” Wistfully he added, “You know, I had sex in a Motel 6 once.”
I gasped and said, “Scandalous.”
He kissed me again, and said, “See you at four.” Then he dashed out of the coffeehouse. I followed, letting him get some distance away from me before I took out my phone and called Kayla.
She picked up quickly, “Mr. Lane.”
“Andrew.”
“Andrew. So nice to hear from you.”
“The dress fitting is at four on Melrose. Why don’t I just pick you up around three-fifteen?”
“Oh, that doesn’t really work. I’ll just drive myself.”
“I don’t mind. I’ve got plenty of time. And it would give us a chance to get to know each other.”
“I’m sure we’ll get to know each other just fine, Mr.—Andrew. I mean, it’s a wedding. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together.”
“Yes, of course. You’re right.”
Then I gave her the address and said, “I look forward to seeing you. And if you change your mind and would like—”
“I never change my mind,” she said, which in retrospect sounds so much more ominous than it did at the time.
33
Miles Kettering-Lane
For some reasonI could not quite fathom, Avery’s cousin Martha was still maid of honor. Yes, the wedding was only a month off and it would be challenging to switch out the maid of honor at such a late date—but spying on a cake tasting? That was absolutely unforgivable. And where on earth did they get the equipment? Seriously, it was like we were suddenly in the middle of an episode ofLaw & Order: Special Bride’s Unit.
Well, Avery answered one question later that morning when I got home from having coffee with Andy. He told me, “There are whole shops devoted to consumer spyware. Not to mention you can get just about anything on Amazon.”
“Could we get a new maid of honor?” I asked, before I could bite my tongue.
He simply frowned at me—something he’d picked up from my daughter. Why was he so pro-cousin Martha? Really, he should be on Kelly’s side. Not that she’d put up a candidate. Even when I said very reasonable things like, “Isn’t thereanyoneyou’d rather have? We could hire a stranger. Wouldn’t that be better?”
That earned me one of her patented frowns.
Anyway, presents had begun to arrive! There was a stack in front of the door when I came home from coffee. I piled them in the den and tried to interest Kelly in them. I suggested she write out a short thank you note when each gift arrived. That way it wouldn’t be some horrible chore when she came back from the honeymoon.
Of course, I was ignored. One of the many pains of parenting is that if you make a suggestion you’re ignored, whereas if a complete stranger makes the same suggestion it’s clung to like it’s a life raft.
Less than an hour later, I opened the gifts. I mean, someone had to. A small food processor, a roasting pan, and a very ordinary set of dishes, service for four. Why hadn’t my lovely child taken the time to register for decent china? Lovely, expensive china her new in-laws’ friends could more than afford? I know it seems like she’s a practical child, but when it comes to the important things—
Luckily, all the presents included gift receipts. Kelly and I would simply take everything back and get the things she really needed. Well, now that I think about it, perhaps I’ll go alone and buy the things a young couple starting out needs.
My daughter, to her credit I suppose, is just as likely to want to give the money away. I started a list of the guests’ names and what they’d sent. That wayIcould send a thank you note even if my daughter couldn’t.
