Page 93 of Fathers of the Bride
“Oh my God! Did he say Wham!?” Evie yelled. “Nobody should ever say Wham!”
“Evie, go practice your tambourine.”
She grumbled and walked away. Lindsey said to me, “She’ll be fine. You’ll get Wham! Cyndi Lauper, Whitney Houston—whatever you want.”
“She seemed pretty adamant.”
“Don’t worry. I can’t tell you how many times she’s sung ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” thinking it’s a Bob Dylan classic.”
Something had begun to dawn on me. “Do you all live here?”
“Yeah, the whole band. It’s the only way we can afford the place.”
Of course, that meant they got the job. I’m a sucker for people struggling to make it. And their demo tape wasn’t bad. It was a bit heavy on Fleetwood Mac. It didn’t take much to figure out they were really a Fleetwood Mac tribute band and not an eighties cover band. But Lindsey did promise me at least some of what I wanted. And there was a lot to be said for a good rendition of “Tusk” getting a party started.
As I walked out of the house, I asked him, “Does she think ‘Stairway to Heaven’ is a Fleetwood Mac song?”
He just rolled his eyes.
Climbing into my SUV, I found that I couldn’t start the car. There was nothing wrong with the car, it was me. I was just a little… Evie Hicks loved queens. She didn’t cook or decorate or craft. She just liked to watch my show because I’m a big old queen. That didn’t feel good; in fact it felt shitty.
Yes, of course, I’m a queen. That doesn’t mean I enjoyed the idea of people tuning in and laughing at me. I had tried to provide useful information. I had tried to help people live happier, more pleasant, more attractive lives. I didn’t deserve to be laughed at for that. I was beginning to understand why Andy didn’t tell me what the network said. It was still not okay. It would never be okay.
But I understood it.
36
Andrew Lane
I’d always beena person who fixed things. And now, inexplicably, that had gotten me into deep, deep trouble. Just to make matters worse, all my impulses were to simply try to fix things again. Yes, I know the cliché: The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Except for this: I have successfully fixed things in the past. In fact, most of the things I’ve tried to fix, I’ve succeeded in fixing. So, I decided I would do exactly what I was always did—I would find a way to fix things.
Suzie Langdon had been an intern onThe Happy Homeduring its third season. After that she became an associate producer on one of the morning shows, worked her way up to producer, and then, just a few years ago, took a programming position at Explore! which happened to be the Home & Crafts Network’s chief competition. Recently, she’d been named head of programming.
When I called, her assistant hadn’t wanted to give me an appointment since it was Thanksgiving week. Hollywood was on the verge of shutting down for the holidays. They’d be listening to pitches for new shows after the holidays, then staffing and casting. There were really only three seasons in L.A.: summer, fall and pilot season. And I was far too early for pilot season.
But I couldn’t wait, so I’d played the ‘I gave her her first job’ card and had gotten on Suzie’s schedule.
“Andrew Lane,” Suzie said when I was led into her office. “I can’t tell you how happy I was to see your name on my schedule this morning.”
“Can I get you coffee or an Evian?” her assistant asked. She looked relieved to see that putting me on the schedule had been the right thing to do. Of course, if it hadn’t been, she’d have had to cancel me the minute Suzie saw my name.
“Nothing, thank you,” I said to the assistant. She withdrew from the office. “It’s been too long, Suzie. How are you?”
“Wonderful. We’re kicking Home & Crafts’ ass in the ratings. And that means I sleep like a baby. How are you? I heard you and Miles split, that can’t be true.”
“Half true. We’re separated.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. And Kelly’s getting married? I got my invitation, by the way. I’ll be there.”
“Wonderful.”
“Isn’t she too young, though? I mean, she’s like fourteen?”
“Twenty-four.”
“Oh my God. Time flies. So, I hear you’re doing some kind of branding thing. Is that right?”
“I am.”
