Page 34 of Fathers of the Bride
“She’ll be on board soon enough.”
Andy backed down. I have to say none of this sounded likemyKelly, but then I decided I should probably let them find that out on their own. I suspect Andy was thinking the same. And then Raj was there demanding to know what he’d missed.
“We’re talking wedding,” Pudge said.
“Ah,” he said, then reached over her with his hand out. “I’m Raj by the way.”
I made no move to shake his hand and said, as coldly as possible, “Yes, I’m aware of that.”
“I was waiting for you outside the bath—”
Lissa attempted to save the day with, “Apparently, Kelly wanted a small wedding, but we’ve nixed that idea.”
Recovering quickly, Raj said, “Hallelujah. The idea of Instagramming a small wedding… well, I could hardly expectthatto go viral.”
“Oh my God! No! You arenotgoing to Instagram the wedding!” Pudge squealed.
“Yes! Yes, I am!”
No, no, he isn’t,I thought. This couldn’t be happening. My soon-to-be in-laws wanted to turn my daughter’s wedding into something only P.T. Barnum would recognize and my husband’s, my ex-hus—Andy’s boy toy was going to live stream the entire disaster. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. I began to count.
“Bradley? Did you hear that?” Pudge was saying. “Raj is going to turn Avery and Kelly’s wedding into an Internet event. We’re going viral!”
“…five, six, seven…”
“Miles, open your eyes,” Andy said.
I ignored him. Inhaling deeply. Imaging myself in sunny field, a slight breeze kissing my cheeks, birds chirping in the distance.
“Someone get Kelly—”
“…nine, ten, eleven…”
“What’s happening? Is he having a seizure?”
“No, he did this in the coffeeshop,” Andy said.
“What coffeeshop?” Raj wanted to know.
“…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…”
Okay, so I was only supposed to go to ten. But if ten was good twenty had to be better, right? Sunshine, breeze, birds.
“…eighteen, nineteen…”
“Miles, stop it,” Andy said. “It’s creepy.”
“Daddy, what are you doing?”
And then I may have started to scream.
* * *
Right after Imay have screamed, Pudge pressed a couple of Valium on me, which I wisely accepted and swallowed. An hour later, I was sprawled across the backseat of Kelly’s Volvo in a semi-comatose state.
“He doesn’t always scream like that, does he?” Avery half-whispered in the front seat.
“No, hardly at all,” Kelly said.
