Page 49 of Fathers of the Bride
“Kelly will love that.”
“So I’m just finalizing the copy for the invitation. It will say, ‘Andrew Lane and Miles Kettering-Lane—’”
“You can go first, I don’t mind.”
“Okay. Miles Kettering-Lane and Andrew Lane. And that’s anandnot anampersand, even though we’re still legally—”
“I don’t mind. Ampersand or and, whichever.”
“I mean, we just… it’s better if people know we’re not together. We don’t want to spend the whole wedding explaining—”
“I suppose that’s true.”
Of course, we probably would anyway, but I decided not to point that out. We reached the parking level and got out of the elevator.
As we walked toward the car, he was still talking, “Miles Kettering-Lane and Andrew Lane, and Bradley ampersand Patricia Lincoln and Terry ampersand Melissa Collins invite you—do you like that? Invite you?”
“I suppose ‘Request your presence’ sounds like an invitation to the principal’s office. ‘Cordially invite—’”
“Joyfully invite?”
“Sure.”
“Okay ‘Miles Kettering-Lane and yada-yada-yada… joyfully invite you to join them at the wedding of their children Kelly Kettering-Lane ampersand Avery Collins. That’s right, isn’t it? He’s a Collins, not a Lincoln.”
“Oh, God, I don’t know.”
“How do I find out?”
“Ask Kelly.”
“But I can’t. They’ve been staying at the house for weeks. I can’t admit that I don’t know his last name. Plus, I know his parents. Well, I’ve lost track of which parents are actually his parents. And I’m certainly not going to call them up and ask.”
“Google?” I suggested, as we approached the car.
“Wait, I remember. His mother is Pudge. She’s married to Bradley Lincoln.”
“So, he’s Avery Lincoln.”
“No, he’s Avery Collins”
“Unless he’s Avery Collins-Lincoln. Or Lincoln-Collins?” I hit the key fob to turn the alarm off on the car and open the doors. “Do you know when his parents did the wife-swap thing?”
“I have no idea. You don’t suppose they actually, you know—”
“Oh God, I hope not.”
Miles rolled his eyes and said, “You know how straight people are.”
“I try not to think about it.”
We got into the car. I pressed the button to start it as Miles said, “I’ll have to figure out a way to subtly ask about Avery’s last name. So we put down our address and the time of the wedding. Mention that valet parking will be available. And I’ll be enclosing an RSVP card.”
Something rather important occurred to me. “Um, Miles? We came in separate cars.”
A panicked look flashed across his face. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry. That’s just—oh my.”
“It’s all right.”
