Page 44 of Georgiana
September 18, 1814
My darling Max,
Yesterday I was filled with reservation that writing down my feelings would make me feel better, but today I awakened with renewed hope. Why did I ever doubt Mrs. Annesley? She has been such a good mentor and I would dearly love to see her again, if only to ask for some much-needed guidance.
Putting my thoughts down on paper has given me more clarity with regard to this estrangement. It’s almost as if my cloudy reasoning has been swept away like pesky cobwebs in the attic. I recall Mrs. Reynolds saying that my mother kept a journal and I now see the benefits. I believe on my next journey to the village I will order one from London. Pray, don’t worry of the expense. I have plenty of pin money as I do not go anywhere or see anybody – other than Sir Waddlesworth. He has become my faithful, if somewhat silent, companion.
Your head steward, Mr. Mason, brought to my attention the Bothwell family. They’ve had a touch of influenza in their household. Mrs. Dawson prepared a nice broth with some fresh bread and I visited them this morning. Mrs. Bothwell was so receptive. I didn’t feel too nervous, but then I’m used to visiting tenants at Pemberley. Mrs. Bothwell mentioned a few other tenants are having some difficulty with their roofs as well minor sickness so I hope you don’t mind, but I spoke with Mr. Mason and he rode out immediately to ascertain what they required.
Thankfully, only two families had the same influenza symptoms and Mr. Mason is taking a few men with him to patch up the roofs which sustained water damage. I shall visit the other families on the morrow.
I love you and I miss you.
Georgiana Kerr
Max read through the letter again. The first time she’d written that she loved him had pierced his heart. Did she even know what love was? Everything in him screamed she was being manipulative even though his bruised heart wanted to believe every last word. Why else would she write so openly about love? Not once, during their whirlwind courtship, had she ever given voice to how she felt, although he’d believed it implied by her actions. This was so completely out of character. Something didn’t ring true.
A quick glance at the date showed she’d written this letter in September, almost two months after he’d returned to London and a month before Nathan confronted him. Why were her letters so out-dated?
Chapter Thirteen
“Georgiana, do you wish to join me? Bennet and I are going for a short ramble through the woods,” Elizabeth Darcy called through the door. Georgiana didn’t even bother to lift her head from the pillow upon which she lay before answering in the negative.
“Very well, but please join us for dinner tonight. We want you to live your life again, dearest.”
Live her life again. For what purpose?
Georgiana turned on to her side and burrowed her face into the pillow. She’d been at Pemberley for almost a month and still no correspondence or sign of Maxwell. Not even a letter from his solicitor telling her that he was extremely sorry but he didn’t want to be married to her anymore. And it had been four months since she’d watched him ride away from Adborough Hall. She flipped onto her back and stared at the filmy lace bordering the canopy of her bed.
Such frippery, chosen when she was but a child, all fluffy and lacy, and pink, and stupid— She jumped off the bed and began ripping at the lace. Anna entered the room and stopped cold.
“Your Grace—” she began.
“I am not your Grace!” Georgiana whirled around and faced her maid, tattered lace clenched in her fists. “I am nothing. I am nobody. I am unloved and unwanted.” She fell to the floor, choking sobs pummeling her frail body.
“I’ll get Mrs. Darcy.” Anna spun around and dashed down the hall, calling out, “Mrs. Darcy. Mrs. Darcy, come quick. It’s Miss Darcy, I mean it’s her Ladyship.”
Through her retching sobs, Georgiana dimly heard Elizabeth rush into the room and soon her soothing voice cut through all the agonized clutter that filled her mind and dreams.
“Shh…. Georgie. Shh…. Come here, dearest.”
Elizabeth gathered Georgiana in her arms and rocking her gently, stayed seated on the floor with her until the sobbing finally subsided. With a shuddering breath, Georgiana hugged Elizabeth around her ever thickening waist.
“I am so sorry, Lizzy. I am so sorry.”
“What do you have to be sorry about?” Elizabeth caressed her back with long comforting strokes. Georgiana recognized this as the same method in which Lizzy settled young Bennet when he had a crying fit, and though she was a married woman, she didn’t mind the cossetting. When she’d settled, Elizabeth moved away slightly and with one finger beneath her chin, raised her tear stained face to hers.
“Now tell me. What do you have to be sorry about?” She clasped her hands on her lap, and although they were both sitting on the floor in a wrinkled pile of skirts, she managed to look regal. Not for the first time Georgiana wished she could emulate the strength of character Lizzy had.
“I have failed at my marriage. My husband cannot bear to be in the same room with me let alone a gigantic estate, and I am sure he will divorce me once he discovers I left Adborough Hall against his express wishes.”
The only sign of Lizzy’s anger was a slight pursing of her lips.
“Your husband has much to answer for, but you defying his orders and leaving Adborough Hall is not one of them.”
“Maybe I should have stayed and waited until he returned. He did say he’d come back in six months and that’s only two months away. If I’d have waited−”
“Georgiana,” Lizzy interrupted angrily. “I do not care what Society might dictate in circumstance such as these. He had no right to abandon you based on an overheard conversation. He promised to keep you safe and give you a loving home.”
