Page 265 of When We Fall: Part Two
I slid into the seat across from her, mesmerized by her beauty. She was even prettier than I remembered. Her curls were vibrant again and hung around her in waves. Longer. So fucking beautiful.
“You look… beautiful,” I finally said, unable to look away from her.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “You look nice too. New shirt?”
I looked down at the blue designer shirt I was wearing. Cole bought it for me. Said I looked like a bum in all my hoodies and t-shirts.
“Uh, yeah. It’s… too rich for my taste, but Cole…” I let my words trail off before clearing my throat. “How have you been?”
She shrugged. “I’m OK.” She looked out the window, and that’s when I noticed the mark on her neck.
I bristled, knowing exactly what it was.
Bile burned my throat at what it meant.
“W-Who’s the guy? That you’re seeing?” I asked, the words tumbling out of my mouth as I nodded to her neck. “Is it Anson?”
Her cheeks darkened. “Um, just a guy. Not Anson.”
My heart plummeted. She didn’t even try to deny it.
“A-Are you happy? With him?” I ventured, wanting to scream and tell her to come home with me. That I could change. That I could be better than any man she’s seen since we split. That I didn’t even want to break up. That I only needed time… fuck. FUCK.
“Um, yeah. He makes me laugh. I, he’s older, so it’s different.”
“Older?” I asked.
“Yeah, a few years. He works in finance.”
“It’s fast, isn’t it?” The words slipped out, and I knew the moment they were out that they were a bad idea.
She scoffed. “Fast? Not as fast as getting married and having a woman knocked up. I suppose if we’re measuring in comparison to what you and the other two assholes are up to, I’m going at a snail’s pace.”
“Rosalie, I-I’m not with Enzo and his-his wife,” I spat the words out. “I hate that fucking cunt. I would never… fuck. NEVER. I hate her. If they told me she died today, I’d go piss on her corpse before setting it on fire.”
She surveyed me for a moment before looking down at her coffee. “What did you want to talk to me about? Fox’s Jeep? I-I don’t have the heart to move it from his parking spot?—”
“No,” I said thickly. “I-I wanted to see you. To hear your voice. I-I miss you so damn much. Do you… even miss me?”
She sighed. “I-I do. I did. It’s different now. I’m… free. I’m not constantly worried anymore. I can leave and be alone whenever I want. No one is lurking around a corner to kill me. It’s nice. I went dancing and danced with people. No one tried to fight.”
I nodded and swallowed. “I get it.”
“But I do think about you. Every day,” she continued softly. “But you’re gone. It’s like a fever dream when I think back to all of it.”
“Do you-Do you still love me?”
“Ethan, I will always love you,” she said, her voice shaking. “I will. I was hurt when everything happened. I’m still hurting, but I’ve lived a little since then. I’m finding my way. I hope you start to as well.”
“I want you back,” I choked out. “I-I love you. I didn’t want any of this. I-I needed s-some time, you know? I was, I am, fucked up from everything, but I want you. What do I need to do, baby? Tell me. I’ll do it.” I tried to reach for her, but jerked my hands away when I was near, ugly memories of touching Celeste, of fucking her, screaming through my head.
She breathed out. “Ethan, you can’t even touch me.”
“I know.” A tear slid down my cheek. “But I will soon. I’m getting better.”
“I’m not a houseplant, you know? I’m not something pretty you sit in the window and stare at. I’m a girl. I have feelings. I want to be loved and touched. I-I hate being selfish, but I’ve always given things up for those I love. I realize I need to love myself, too. That means sometimes I have to say no.”
I nodded, her words hurting, but I understood exactly what she was saying to me. She wanted more, and I wasn’t able to give it to her.
