Page 27 of When We Fall: Part Two
“Order in,” Fox grumbled, getting up.
“Where are you going?” I took a quick step into the living room.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Out.”
“It’s not safe.”
He scoffed. “I really don’t care, man.” He turned and walked toward the front door.
“Fox, man. Come on.” I put the Hamburger Helper on the coffee table and trailed him to the front door. He pulled it open without looking back, and I followed him outside to his Jeep. He didn’t ask me to go, but fuck if I was going to let him go alone.
I got into the passenger side while he slid in behind the wheel and started the engine. He drove out of the driveway without a word and turned onto the street.
“Where are we going?” I finally asked a few minutes into the journey.
“To get dinner,” he muttered.
I was quiet for a few more minutes. “Fox?”
“What?”
“Is everything OK?”
“No.”
I inhaled. “What can I do? I don’t like this. You’re being weird, man. I’m worried about you. You’ve been so distant lately. And then there’s Rosebud?—”
He let out a sigh. “Cole, you know what’s wrong, man. I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
“I know I’m a fuck-up,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands. “I’m working on that.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” I said. “I know I fucked up with Anson. I know I need to control my shit better. I just hate him. He’s trying to take Rosebud. He acts like an asshole too?—”
“If you’re looking to get me on your hate train, it’s not going to work. I like Anson. I like him so much, in fact, that if he walked into our house right now and grabbed Rosie and made her leave, I wouldn’t try to get her back. I’d let her go.”
I stiffened at his words. “You don’t mean that. Rosalie is our girl. She’s the love of your life. Of our lives?—”
“Which is fucking exactly why I’d let her go,” he snapped at me, pulling into a Chinese restaurant parking lot and slamming the Jeep into park. “She’s been through too much, and shit isn’t changing. You’re losing your shit. E is a mess. Enzo is getting worse with his climbing bullshit. And me…” He sighed. “I’m depressed. I’m not going to lie. It’s hitting me hard. I don’t even want to get out of bed most days.”
He stared straight ahead as we sat in the parking spot.
“I know you’re depressed,” I finally said. “What can I do? I don’t like you like this, man. You’re not yourself. I’m worried.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I just need a break. I need to feel like I can breathe again. That we all can. I have this looming fear that shit is never going to get better. We’ll live the bad days on repeat. That this is it. It’s as good as it’ll ever get.” He looked over at me, his blue eyes filled with sadness. “If this is as good as it gets, then this sucks, Cole.”
I swallowed hard.
“It does,” I whispered. “It’s my fault, too. I’m not making shit easier. I know you’re an action man, Fox. I know words don’t mean shit to you if you can’t see the action, but I swear to you I’ll be better. I promise it. I’ll do whatever I have to just to see you smile again. To see my Rosebud happy. I don’t know if you know this or not, but we aren’t shit without you. We wouldn’t haveher without you.” I paused and licked my lips. “I’m not stupid enough to think that she’d have said yes to me if you weren’t part of the equation. It’s you, man. You’re the backbone of this entire thing. The fucking heartbeat in our machine. I need you to be OK so we’re OK.”
He raked his fingers through his hair before closing his eyes and letting his head rest against his seat.
“I don’t want her to marry Enzo. She should be mine. I guess I’m hurt that Enzo didn’t just say fuck off to his old man and do what was best for us.”
I looked out the window. “I know. I will admit it should have been you the entire time. I know it hurts. Deep down, I want it to be me, too, even though I haven’t done shit to deserve her. I’m just lucky she puts up with me.”
“She loves you, Cole. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t stay.”
