Page 131 of Untempered
I cast my mind back over the times I’d seen her act defensively. Bow, yes. Her shots hadn’t missed that day. Knife, perhaps. And then I recalled her standing in front of me, tears on her face and silently pleading with me to train her to use the sword.
My heart sank.
I’d said no.
The wind howled through the trees, but if she felt it, she gave no sign, just lifting a finger to point. “I know these hives. We’re about halfway. The terrain gets worse.”
I examined the ground. It was safe enough at a walk, but the sun was well into the sky. We’d started much later in the day last time. But we’d also left in a hurry. Who knew how long it would take to attempt to activate this old magic. The cold was surely in my soul by now. I didn’t dare take off my gloves to see if my nails, too, were black.
She must’ve followed my thinking, because she urged her horse to go just a little faster. We rode uphill in silence for a time, and this time I didn’t worry about her seat at all. I felt foolish for having considered making her walk Storm last time, which in and of itself was also foolish. Shehadalmost come unstuck in the orchard.
She wanted to challenge her father to a trial by combat. She knew he was a swordsman. Even if she could somehow force him to accept the challenge, he’d choose the weapon she was useless with.
She needed me. She knew it.
She hadn’t forced it, though. She’d barely evenasked.And she’d never explained. Not even a hint.
There was an argument that she’d had her hands full, and that was true enough. But despite the crushing urgency of the crises unfolding around us, we’d spent plenty of hours sitting about in her tower, filling time, waiting for situations to unfold. There had been ample opportunities.
“Why didn’t you flee?” I asked her before I could think the question through fully. “I’m sorry. You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Audrey, I?—”
“This is my home,” she answered flatly. “I wanted things to get better. Often, itisgood here, even when he’s around. It was so easy to wait just a little longer.”
I felt the burn of that hope, deep in my heart. The hopeless, torturousperhapsthat kept you coming back. I wondered if my mother’s ghost still clung to that hope, even now.
“It never does. Get better.”
“No.” She said it with an acceptance that I didn’t know she truly felt. “No, it won’t. Not while he’s alive. I’d almost come to terms with that, but then the plague came.”
And she’d felt obligated to stay. “Seems like another version of the same dangerous hope,” I said, though I didn’t want to.
“Mayhap,” she agreed. “I know the world isn’t inherently fair, Chay. But I want tomakeit fair.”
And how did a woman who’d grown up warm, fed, educated, and cared for—even if only by her maid and her expensive horse—know what was fair?
I remembered, in detail, the conversation she’d had after I’d killed those children to protect her.
She’d basically put Bernadette and Kaelson in charge of the keep. They only checked in with her out of courtesy and because she showed an interest.
“What if you end up poor and living in a village? Nothing to read. Not even shoes on your feet.”
She glanced back over her shoulder at me, frowning. “That feels unlikely. I could get work as a tutor. And anyway, fair isn’t everyone having nothing. Fair is people getting what they need.”
“What do they need?”
She shot me another look. “I don’t know, Chay. I haven’t asked yet. What’s the point when I’ve so little to give?” Then, without looking this time, she added, “But I do believe access to food, clean water, somewhere to sleep, healing, and knowledge is theminimum.Why is it so few are trained as mages?”
I’d heard Kadan ponder on that same thing. And also plan to kill important men. They were more aligned than even he had known.
I didn’t mention to her that she might have allies. I’d need to discuss it first with Kadan. He’d be willing, I was sure.
But it was the older generation we’d need to convince. The ones who looked at Luca and saw a shining example of what nobilitycouldbe.
“It’s a wild dream,” she said, hunched down in her saddle. “Isolde says I should retreat to the tribes, learn what I can, and return when I’ve matured if I still wish to. When I’ve experience and knowledge.”
It was solid advice. “But?”
“People need helpnow.”
