Page 136 of Untempered
I adjusted the water before the fire. “Isolde said bathing helps,” I reminded her.
She didn’t open her eyes.
“Probably not when you’re wrapped like a solstice gift,” I acknowledged, refusing to consider any other alternative for her lack of response as I folded myself down against her back, layering the extra fabric of my cloak over her, then the horse blankets.
She held herself stiffly. I didn’t know if it was politeness or her preference, and I didn’t have the heart to ask. Exhaustion washed over me like a wave. I didn’t expect to sleep. I did, though, within moments, lulled by the sound of rain, wind, and the crackle of the fire.
CHAPTERFIFTY-FOUR
AUDREY
“Should a suitor be found worthy of such, he may, with the blessing of your father, commence courting your family. This will involve spending time with your father and brothers, where you have them, as well as your suitor taking you to visit public attractions, such as gardens. If you attend a ball, attend with your father and brother, and visit with your suitor there.” ~ Etiquette in Arcanloc
Idrifted in and out of sleep, first because I was too uncomfortable, and then because my brain kept popping strange thoughts into my head, or my dreams did, or because I was worried. I knew I slept, because I didn’t remember when he’d put his arm around me.
The stone had been our last hope. Or my last hope. Mayhap there was hope for others.
Lying on my side made the points of my body in contact with the thin mattress hurt so much, I wondered if I mightn’t have broken something. I’d probably make it back to La’Angi, but it was just a matter of time now.
I’d often thought about how much Chay must regret swearing that oath. Now I wondered if he felt like he chose the right option, between my father and I.
I wasn’t going to ask. I’d never trust his answer. He told me off for being polite, but he didn’t always say what he was thinking. None of us did.
Anyway, I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to know if time with me and death might be better, or worse, than time with my father and life.
Selfishly, I was glad he’d chosen as he had. But I’d never tell him that. I wanted him to be back in Raider’s Ban with that sandy-haired man who told me the enemy of my enemy was my friend, who had made Chay smile and come to his aid.
But he was good and fair. He was easy to be with. He was trustworthy. Heheardme. And he asked good questions.
I wanted to keep him.
The way his heart had drummed, and his breath had rasped in and out of his lungs as I sank into the void would stick with me forever. That heartbeat, and the heat of him, had held it back.
The fire popped, and he sighed in his sleep, tugging me closer to his chest and nestling his face into my hair.
The sweetness was so complete it made me ache in a different way to the plague, like I was too full, and it had to escape.
I was probably going to die in the next week. I probably needed to see to Isolde. She wouldn’t make it, if I wasn’t able to bank the fires. I couldn’t ask anyone else to.
Chay would. Thomas would. But I didn’t want that for them.
I’d known I would need to address the issue once I’d realized I was sick. But I’d selfishly postponed that conversation for just a little while longer.
I must’ve dozed again because when I woke, the fire was low, and the coals were scattered amongst ash. The wood wasn’t good enough to create a lot of coals or burn for long, but it kept the cold at bay.
Outside of the blankets, I wondered if mayhap it wasn’t Chay who did that, because the cabin felt icy. Quickly I banked it again and went to return, only to see I’d woken my personal furnace.
He lifted the blanket, and it was the most natural thing in the world to ease back into that spot. But though he settled the covers over us, he didn’t put his arm over me, and even stayed a small distance away.
I was confident that he didn’t despise my presence. I felt too horrible to worry too much. So I asked, “Where’s your arm?” I realized that wasn’t all the information, so I added, “Before, it was around me. I just wanted to know if you didn’t want to do that anymore, or if it wasn’t comfortable, or what other considerations I may have overlooked.” All the other things I probably should’ve explained spun through my head, but I didn’t say them because I already had enough regret.
“Do you want my hug?” he asked, and the question stirred the hair over my ear. Heat rolled through me. It would’ve been a lot less awkward if it was because his breath was hot.
I tried to sift through the possible directions this conversation could go, depending on answers. There were no good options, of course. Because I’d opened my mouth without knowing what was happening.
“When you’re offered something, is yes or no harder to say?” he asked me.
“It depends on the situation,” I said, relieved there was an easy answer, finally.
