Page 90 of Untempered
She’d specifically asked me to set the guard down. I went over it in my mind, the way we’d carried him up there, the way she’d positioned herself so carefully. She couldn’t have tossed him over the regular height part of the wall.Icould’ve, and together, it would’ve been simple. Instead, we’d carried him farther so she could do it alone.
Ego? Rage? Distrust?
We were at the door to her tower. I lifted the key, but held it in the lock and turned to her. “Why was it important you do it yourself?” I asked her.
She met my eyes. Something about it felt forced. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d met my eyes. “I’m done asking anything of you.” It knocked the wind out of me, but she was frowning, shaking her head. “That came out more forcefully than I intended. I’m sorry, Chay. I simply meant to uphold my promise.” She looked down at the door. “I didn’t mean it to sound unkind. It isn’t, really. I said I won’t expect you to kill for me. I don’t. I apologize you were so complicit tonight. I acknowledge the weight of your oath must be significant.”
The lock clicked open, and I shoved the door, my tongue thick in my mouth. I’d known exactly what she meant because she’d said it plainly. I hadn’t needed the over-explanation. It wasn’t ego, or rage, or even distrust.
She was just doing what she said she’d do. Nothing more, nothing less.
And I had no idea how the hell to feel about it.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR
ISOLDE
“Action is easy.” ~ Matri’sion proverb
Iknew Audrey wouldn’t open the door between us. I’d told her not to, and she understood and respected that I refused to be the one to make her sick. That was as complicated as it needed to be for her.
Knowing it was safe to do so, I fanned my hand over the wood separating us, listening to the rise and fall of her voice as she told me what she’d done.
I should’ve been there to hold that space for her. I should’ve held her when the battle energy ebbed, and the shakes took over. I heard the tears in her voice and swallowed my own, taken off guard by the show of emotion. Even locked safely away from her view, it still didn’t serve us.
“…but Ylva actually talked to me today, so that’s something. Do you know what a Worg is?”
Ylvahadtalked. “It’s a curse,” I told her, because I’d never lied to Audrey before, and I wasn’t starting now, regardless of how much I wanted to hide that truth. “And she’s a victim of it. Keep silver against her flesh, and she won’t need to deal with it.” Before she could launch more questions at me, I refocused on the key issue. “The body might be on the rocks below.”
“I know,” she said through the wood. “Well, actually, I guessed that. I don’t really know. But we’re so shorthanded, and those areas are patrolled only intermittently. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow with the Acting Steward, and if he mentions he’s shorthanded, I’m going to recommend that he pull people away from that area, among others.”
I stared at my nails, hating the sight of that gray. I shoved down the hopelessness that tried to grab me by the throat. She was doing well without me, and that was all I ever wanted for her. “Good. Make sure you bury it amongst other suggestions. Not at the very start or the end, because people remember the first and last things the best, but mayhap second or third.” I’d told her this a million times, and I hated that I knew that, but I couldn’t halt myself, all the same. “Not the middle. Few remember the middle.” I didn’t wait for a response. I didn’t need one.Get it together, archer.“Do you know the woman’s name?”
“No,” Audrey said. “Or I’d seek her out.”
“Better to give that job to—”me.I cut that off. I could still walk, but I needed to save that ability. Weakening myself now would be an error. “—someone else, or let it sit for now. You don’t want her thinking about you more than she already will be if that death is uncovered.” Audrey wouldn’t hang for murder, but there would be assumptions made as to what the guardsman had wanted from her and the woman, both.
After all, we were only good for one thing.
“I’ve got plenty of other problems,” she told me on a sigh that I could hear clearly through the door. “I still don’t know what to do with the guards who are hoarding food and wealth.”
We’d spent hours going over this together. There was no good answer, only varying levels of risk. I didn’t ask if they’d progressed the cure at all. She’d tell me the moment she had even the whisper of an update on that front.
My tribe will welcome you. I wanted to tell her.You could find this woman and escort her yourself. You know the way.The image of her riding into the sunset flashed into my mind. It was the first time I’d imagined her doing it alone, and I hadn’t been terrified of the thought—it brought me a measure of calm. I withdrew my hand from the wood, using it instead to anchor the blanket closer to my shoulders.
Whatever happened, she’d be okay.
I closed my eyes to blot out the door keeping me from her, but her expression was burned on the inside of my lids. The way her head had snapped up as a child, like a rabbit hearing a hunter.Go,she’d told me.
But what if we hadn’t?
“You need to take control,” I told her, allowing no trace of doubt or worry into my voice.
“What would make me able to run it any better than the Acting Steward and the Captain?” she asked me. Her brows would be all bunched up and there would tears in her eyes as they stayed fixed somewhere to my right.
I hadn’t hugged her enough. I needed to remedy that when I was able. “You listen,” I told her. “You learn. You acknowledge you don’t know shit.” From what I’d seen, the best all started like that. “You’re willing to put in the time, and you put people first.” She was quiet, and that worried me. It was rare I couldn’t predict her reactions, but I wished I could assess which of my assurances had the most impact.
I missed her.
