Page 91 of Untempered
“You aren’t trying to accumulate more wealth or power,” I added. I couldn’t make out the exact words, but whatever she murmured sounded like a disagreement. “Wealth, then, and the power is purely what you need to seize to be safe. Isn’t it?” She was silent, and I rocked on my haunches, frustration clawing at me. “If you keep giving these men your power, they’ll keep taking it.”
“I know,” she said clearly. “I know they will. And they’re taking it from others.”
And she was positioned with enough of a leg-up that she could have half a chance at disrupting the locways. “This isn’t a pitched battle on an equal field,” I reminded her, keeping the frustration from my voice. “Your guilt is irrelevant unless you can weaponize it against the powerful. The situation is what it is.” And she wasn’t going to stop the prophecy if she feltbadabout it. “If guard numbers are as low as you say, and the ranks are so badly fractured, then a few public killings as you take control and seize the reins is a kindness. Short-term cost, long-term profit.” She was quiet again, and this time, I wasn’t worried about it. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned how she’d need to roll some heads to be taken seriously. Not after what she’d done today. “You’ve got people to ask for advice, don’t you?”
“Kaelson,” she said, and the word was thick. “He seems like he knows the score, if I can ever get hold of him. And Bernadette. Graff, mayhap.”
My heart ached. How many leaders listed a cook and an errand boy as their advisors?Not enough.Bernadette had her own agenda, which could be both a boon and a barrier, but Graff was a good choice. His mouth stayed closed, and he heard and saw alot.“So, start there.”
“But I can’t,” she objected. “I can’t staff the city. If I seize control of the guard and there’s in-fighting, we’ll lose more people. We’d become vulnerable. If I pull us back a level in the city so we’re only defending the inner walls, we could have bandit camps in the lower levels. Flushing them out later will be harder than keeping them out now. We’ll be pinned down with limited supplies and no hope of lifting that until ships arrive, and I’ve no clue when that may happen.”
“But you can’t keep them outnow,”I pointed out, like I had yesterday. “You can’t feed peoplenow.These problems all already exist. We’ve been over this.”
She gave me all the reasons, all the risks, all the things she was afraid of. My body ached, and I listened to it, held it all for her. It was all I could do from here.
I needed to draw a new bath. The warm water renewed me, and it was one of the few benefits of being locked in here endlessly. That, and the sewing I’d been able to progress.
When there was a break in the flow of negativity, I asked, “When did you last go for a ride?”
She was quiet for a moment, and I could imagine her gaping at me. “Aride?”
“Yes, a ride. Just for the joy of it and to keep your eye in and your bow limber.” And to remind her that she could exist outside of these stone walls.
“I don’t know,” she said impatiently. “I don’t have time for that, Isolde. People aredying.”
“They’re dying while you worry, too. Your guilt is irrelevant. Get out. Clear your head.”
“Thomas is at the field hospital. I can’t go out without him.”
Curse the Duke for that. “Audrey, I think people are more worried about whether they’ll live through the winter than whether you’ve got one knight behind you, or two.” If they weren’t, they should be. “You’re moving around the castle already with just Chay. It’s no different.”
She was silent again, and I knew she was running through all the arguments in her head, weighing them all up. “Mayhap,” she said eventually. “Can I get you anything?”
“No.” I had everything I wanted, and it left me feeling strangely tired. “Go do your nighttime drills, and then rest. Tomorrow, I want you to ride.”
She mumbled something that wasn’t agreement. I listened to the sounds of her exercising, but didn’t move myself to do the same. I’d taken to doing just small spurts of activity. My body didn’t manage more, and there was no point pushing through.
Aching and hollow, I sat against the door, listening to the sound of her readying herself for bed. I could remember every step of our routine so clearly, I could just about feel her hair in my hands as I brushed it out.
Go,my heart said. But what I truly wanted of her was not flight, but fight.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE
THOMAS
“Treat diseased plants immediately, lest the sickness spread.”
~ Growing Greatness: Common Garden Plants in Arcanloc
When I’d been sent, I expected a few poor, desperate people, and I got them. We dug the latrines and set up tents and cookfires. It looked as neat as any La’Angi army hospital ever did, and I took pride in that.
What I didn’t expect—and I should’ve—was that they came in family groups. Sometimes, it was a mother with sick children, sometimes children with sick parents—none of the groups that arrived wereallunwell. And it made sense, didn’t it? Not only was I running a field hospital with a handful of good men, but I was also organizing a group of volunteers.
There was little to do for the sick, but they wanted little, anyway. Somewhere warm and safe was what I could give them, and most of their families were happy to either sit with them or make themselves useful around the camp. There were no Magework Healers to be found, but after seeing one dying of the plague, I wouldn’t have had one anyway, not to work. Instead, herbalists had made poppets, tinctures, potions, and oils. What good they did, I didn’t know—they were gratefully taken, and that was valuable, too.
They came looking for hope. What I could give them was order.
The lady arrived—to my horror—on foot and leading her horse, when we’d been there almost two weeks. In her saddle sat a wizened old woman, and by her side was a tight-lipped Chay. She brought more tents, more blankets, more flour, and salted meat. I made time to talk to her, but she was helping cut vegetables beside a cookpot, speaking to two older women.
