Page 178 of Unrivaled
“You can have mine.”
“I…” Crying probably would’ve been an appropriate response, but as I looked at them, I felt dead inside.“I can’t change course now,” I said slowly.“I don’t have the ability to think or plan.I can’t properly assess the cost.It’s too close, and I’m too exhausted from,” I waved a hand toward the tourney grounds.“This isn’t fair, lover.”I held back the rest of what I wanted to say.
Nothing was fair.
I hated them for offering me something I couldn’t take.
I wanted to dream, but I couldn’t sleep for long enough to enjoy it without the nightmares creeping in.
They ducked their head, squeezing my hands.“I never fight fair,” they said, but their voice shook.“I had to ask.I had to try.”
There was hurt, deep in my throat, at the back of my skull, seared into the tiny, delicate little bones that kept my head fused to the rest of me.I could feel the heat of it, the way it radiated out into my jaw and up beneath my hair, the vice of it across my forehead.
“I don’t care about La’Angi,” they said.“I care aboutyou.”
“La’Angi’s the reason your boots fit.”
“And it’s the reason you got a specially made cock.We can live without both, Audrey.Luckily, they’ll last for years, so we don’t need to.We can have our boots and our cocks and our freedom, too.”
“I can’t just run.”
“Why?”
“He’d never let me.”
They snorted.“Let him come.I’ve heard of no tales of the Butcher’s prowess on the waves.I’d have his sails up and his anchor down before he could even load a cannon.”
The words couldn’t conjure an imagine in my mind.Instead, they moved across my eyelids as if Elnyta was writing them, the ink bleeding into the edges of my vision.
I drew in another breath.Throwing out Luca had been easy.He’d practically taken himself out.
Throwing out Elnyta might break me.
“I’ve been working toward this for years,” I told them, the words coming from my lips but feeling like they belonged to someone else.“I’ve lived and breathed this for so many moons I’ve lost count.When I say I don’t have time to think properly, I really mean my mind can’t work on it.I’m struggling as it is to keep all the names, faces, alliances, topics of conversation, and economical concerns straight.I really can’t do this.”
Their head was bowed.They were still half naked.From far away, I realized they were almost as vulnerable as me.
“How can I help?”
“Trust me.”I squeezed their hands.“Please, Elnyta.Trust me.”
They let out a short, bitter laugh, wiping a tear with the sleeve of their shirt.“I do, Princess.And I trust the locways to do what it’s built to, too, which is break down beautiful souls like yourself.”
I drew in a breath.“I’m the weakest link in the chain, Elnyta.It’s my job to break.It’s how I do it that’s important.”
“Fuck.”They let out a laugh.“Fuck.Fine.Fine, I’ll go.But I’ll have you know if he kills you, I’m expecting you to come haunt my ship and keep me company all the same.”
The surface of my skin was cold as I felt myself slipping back into my body.I didn’t like the sensation.I could have flown back up to the ceiling, pulling away from reality.
“Hold me,” they said.
The comb dropped onto the ground.The wooden spine broke.Elnyta’s arms were wrapped around me, strong arms that could hold course through the roughest storm.I clung, diving back down to my own flesh, to my body.
I needed to be here.
“Thanking you,” they said.
They pressed their lips to my hair again, rocking me.I was short on air, so I tapped my hands, and they tapped theirs, too.I rocked aggressively in their hold, and they stayed with me, our sinews creaking like rigging, their kisses coming in short, rhythmic bursts.
