Page 192 of Unrivaled
Worse.
What could be worse?
Oh, I knew of plenty of horrific things.Hadn’t I seen those scars in Isolde’s eyes?And yet she lived and found joy.She thought she didn’t know how to heal.I thought she knew more than she realized.
“The things your father has done…” His gaze dropped away.“I couldn’t risk it.”
It didn’t fit, though.Not totally.I turned it over in my mind, the events of that day.The runner, the note.My father had done nothing to incite his fear.“It wasn’t about Luca?”
“No.No,” he repeated more firmly, shaking his head.“The way you looked at me.”The words were hoarse, as if he’d been screaming them.“He’d have known, Audrey.Everyone would’ve known.”
My crime had been to look at him with love.
How was I supposed to feel about that?How was I supposed to respond?My head buzzed and I sat down with a sigh, achingly tired though the battle hadn’t even begun.
“Thanking you for telling me,” I said, with what grace I could muster.I suppose we were about to see what my father did with me, weren’t we?I blew out a hard breath and re-inked my quill, turning back to my page.
“Audrey…”
He looked up, his expression holding some hideous combination of hunger and regret.It was too similar to the tone Luca had used, though that wouldn’t have been fair of me to say.It wasn’t fair of me tothink.This man, he’d never thought to seize power by spreading my legs.Mayhap he’d cared too much, and mayhap he’d been a fool.I didn’t know.The possibilities hummed through my mind, taking me further from getting this information copied out.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, as I tried to gather my thoughts once more.Those blue eyes of his were so big, so sad.Once upon a time, I’d thought I’d happily drown in those eyes.Now I didn’t have time to swim.
Before I dismissed him, though, I paused.
I thought of the way Isolde had flinched away when I’d grabbed her and softened a little.If I could take some weight off his shoulders…
“You’re forgiven, Chay.You’ve been forgiven for moons.And I’ve no wish to dismiss this conversation, because it’s important.I want to talk to you further, one day.I’d dearly love to learn everything about Luca and his little rebellion and how it was he was crafty enough to almost kill Isolde.”I put my hand on the page before me.“But I have an issue with building integrity because it’s been codified that landlords do not need to do repairs more than every decade and that’s led to a myriad of issues with property maintenance and who should bear the cost related to regular upkeep.”
He stared at me as if I’d just announced the death of his friend and I clawed for some compassion for him.“I’m not upset with you, Chay,” I said.
His expression didn’t change at all.
What was I supposed to do?Leap into his arms and shower him with kisses?Weep and dance?Now?My father was hours away from the city.I wasn’t brave enough to turn and look out my window for fear that once I saw his legion on the horizon, I’d freeze like a deer staring at a hunter.
I’d stand here, paralyzed, until one of my father’s dogs came and dragged me to him.
He’d kill them all.
I couldn’t freeze.
“I’m not upset, Chay,” I said honestly.“Not with you.I’m upset with myself for trusting Luca, and I’m upset I haven’t progressed more in my training.I’m upset I haven’t done—” I waved a hand “—all of this, and instead I was galivanting about at balls and soirees.”
His eyes dropped to the pages.If I got into all the sad things in my life, it would become a spiral, so I pulled myself up hard.“What happened between us…it was sad.Now it makes sense,” I offered.“I appreciate the closure, Chay.Very much.”
He looked up at me, tears in his eyes.A knife twisted in my belly.Anger spurted in response.
“I need you to know I chose hope,” he said.
He chose hopetoday?Not all those moons ago when I was confused and scared?I drew in air slowly, wrestling with the rage that wanted to ignite.Not now.Regardless of that brief, unfortunate interaction all those moons ago, this man didn’t deserve cruelty.
But, by the One, he needed to work on his timing.
Isolde had offered to string my bow this morning.She hadn’tsaid“Just put an arrow in his eye,” but clearly that was what she wanted.
Thomas had passed me a new cloak, large and flowing.To conceal my clothes.To hide in.
Elnyta had wanted me to run away with them.To visit their family, and forsake La’Angi.
