Page 70 of Unrivaled
“If I climbed into your lap,” I said, holding my memories close while making space for the lessons I’d learned.“What happens next?Not the sex.What happens tomorrow, and in a quarter-moon, and a season?”
They sat back, raising their brows.“You aren’t worried about your virginity?”
“Virginity is a belief, not a physical reality.”There was no chance anyone who cared about it would be allowed near me anyway.“Would this change anything, Elnyta?”
I had enough wheat to get by, if I had to.
But I wasn’t really concerned about the wheat.
“If you want me to promise you’ll be my one and only…” The sentence trailed off into the quiet.Outside my tower, the noise of the keep continued as usual.“I have lovers in different ports.I’d recommend you take lovers on different ships.Life is too short, and our hearts are too big, to put false borders on our maps.”
Some of the unease in my belly settled.It was an honest answer, and not dissimilar to the concept Raider’s Ban held.Pushing thoughts of Chay away, I looked at the Steppe-style braids Elnyta wore in their hair and suspected the philosophy was a sign of regional similarity between the two.These things were fine as concepts, except… “If Ididclimb into your lap, and you told people, and I was discredited, the license I’ve signed is worthless.”
Their expression hardened.For the first time since I’d met them, they looked like the deadly pirate captain I’d feared they might be.
Elnyta leant forward, the leather of their vest creaking, and looped their hands gently between their knees.“What experience might’ve led you to think of such things, princess?”they asked, their voice low and dangerous.
“Why?”
Their only response was a flex of the fingers on one hand.I recognized the move.I’d spent enough time holding a knife to know how those joints could get jarred.The backs of their hands were a darker brown than their palms.This close, I could see the old scars left from knicks and cuts.
Staring straight into the cold depths of their hazel eyes, I asked, “What if I fall in love with you?”
“What if you do?”
My heart squeezed in my chest.“You’re likely to break my heart.”
“Clear eyes, clear skies,” they murmured.“I’m nothing if not honest.And I’m not turning that into a joke out of respect for the hurt you’ve got there, Audrey, but by the seven winds I hope you can, in return for my restraint, give me the name of the knave who bruised that haughty heart of yours.”
“I am not haughty.”
“As you say, princess,” they agreed, a spark of humor thawing their demeanor.“If you climb into my lap, might their name slip from your lips so I can hunt them down?”
I snorted, topping up my tisane.“Captain, if anyone needed to be hunted down, I’ve the means and I’ve got the method.”
“Then you’ve naught to fear from a silly little dalliance with a silly backwater pirate like me.”
“Don’t call my favorite captain backwater.”
“Or what?”
On one hand, I enjoyed their company.I liked the green of the silk they’d got for me, and the humor that felt so effortless when they were around.
I liked how they saw me.
On the other hand, my heart was still healing and I knew it.Would that make me more vulnerable to trusting too easily, or to be painfully wary?
If I did slip onto their lap, and decided I liked it there, and they were gone most of the time?If I ached for them while they were at sea and spent hours watching the horizon for their sails?If they decided they were tired of me, or vanished, one day, lost to the waves?
Promises were lies.They built pretty dreams that distracted from the pain of reality.
Nothing was certain.I could break their heart as easily as they broke mine.I might decide in ten minutes I didn’t like them after all.
“You know who my father is,” I said, daring them to use those words as an excuse to go.“And what he’d likely do to you.”
They raised their brows.“If I was asking him to climb on my lap, he’d have a say in the matter.And you’ve no idea whomineis, since we’re comparing the slope of our hulls.Should I tell you about him, so we’re even?”
“Would you like to?”I offered, because it seemed like the only response.I drew in a deep breath, holding those memories tightly, before I released it, letting them go.
