Page 131 of Unrivaled
Watching her die would be harder.
She was nodding thoughtfully at the conversation being held by a group of younger men from the south-east.I knew some of their names.I’d fought some of them in tourneys, but most of them were too young for that.She wrapped up that conversation with a remark that left them gazing after her with amused chagrin.The angle of her hand allowed me to see the contents of the place delicately balanced on three fingers.Some roast vegetables, a slice of meat, and a serve of pie, with dumplings on the top.
I looked down at my own plate, similarly laden, though much more generously.The dumpling atop the fragrant pie shone at me, golden on top, gooey on the bottom.
She’d hate it.I’dseenher gagging on soggy bread, then choking it down.More often, I’d seen her go hungry or hunt for an alternative.
Yet she alighted next to a group of older noblewomen and settled, taking a delicate forkful of rich, soft, but decidedly soggy dumpling and slipping it between her lips.No gagging, no fuss.
Was she really here?Or was it just that I didn’t know her anymore?
“That’s not the look of a man on duty,” Kadan said under his breath, nudging me.“Be careful.You’re being watched.”
I looked down at my plate again, forking up my food from muscle memory, not thought.Don’t stare.Don’t stare.“Who?”I asked him.
“Later,” he told me, the words under his breath.“Jerome!Have you tried the blueberry knappchs?”
I swallowed the food.It tasted like dirt.
Mayhap it wasn’t her who’d changed beyond recognition.
But I couldn’t ask Kadan, even though he was right beside me, because a group of men I knew only asnot friendssettled at the table with exuberance.
I tried to follow their conversation and counted down the moments until I could return to her shadow again.
CHAPTERFORTY-EIGHT
ISOLDE
Boundaries are the distance which we can love others and ourselves equally.
—Matri’sion proverb
17thDay of Autumn’s Son Moon,
Age of the Locways, Year 272
La’Angi Faire Grounds
If my hand was on her wrist I would have felt Audrey’s heart racing, but it wasn't.I knew, though, from the way she held herself so still, from the angle of her shoulders and the position of her feet, that she was working hard to remain present.
I walked behind her and Yasmine as they wandered along through the crowded market thoroughfares, traveling from stall to stall while their attention was caught by trinkets or possibilities.
I didn't try to follow their conversations, or pay any mind to what caught their eye.Rather, I watch the ebb flow of people around them, tracking the eyes that tracked them.
There were too many watchers.
The wind was cool, the sun was warm, and people stopped, forming little pockets that felt like groups at a party.Many had a glass of alcohol, plenty held food.The music seemed to be everywhere.It was joy that she’d brought to the city, but it hadn’t brought joy to her.
There's a certain satisfaction in knowing that she'd done a job well.Had anyone asked me, though, I would have argued that she'd already deserved that satisfaction long before the faire began. Yes, the influx of population, and the coin that came with it, was good, but it felt unsustainable.At least, not from the early morning rants that I'd been overhearing.The way that she paced back and forth with her hands drumming on her thighs, the words spilling from her lips as she practiced and then practiced again.Her speeches, her scripts, the responses to all the different questions the people could ask her, or to the situations that could arise.She'd been awake this morning when I'd gotten up, already deep in her planning.
I'd never stopped to think whether this path might be good forherrather than good for theworld.
Everything has a cost.She and I had discussed it.Nothing was ever free.Survivalwasn’t free.But this cost…
I heard her laugh, a rolling, warm sound that wasn’t hers at all.Even with her best friend, she was wearing her armor.
This felt like more than the usual stress and hassle.Carrying these burdens properly without letting them drag along behind her would take more strength than any human could claim.
