Page 44 of Unrivaled
Into the gap, as she reached for her pants, she said, “What happened?You don’t have to say?—”
“I’ll say,” I promised.“While we train.You can trainwithpain, Audrey.”And, just in case she’d forgotten, I added, “You can live your whole life with it.”
The next day she was up and training with me again, her focus renewed.Gone was the slower pace, thewhat do you feel like?She leapt at me when the sparring opened like a woman wronged.
Interesting.I defended, kept her moving, pushed and let her push back.She used her superior height and bulk ruthlessly.I wanted to laugh.
I’d thought their dalliance was a fine thing.Now I was glad of it.
Her rage she carried with her into her dealings for the day.A merchant was left white-faced, a group of guards shaken.“I don’t have time for this,” she told a runner who wanted her to visit a tailor to confirm an order of blankets by weight.
She spent hours closeted in the Steward’s rooms with Brian, poring over books and ledgers.Chay stood at the door, looking as welcoming as Thomas.That evening, rather than lingering by the fireside down below, she sat with me, grip-trainer in her hands, pacing back and forth across the floor of her room.She discussed ins and outs of her city’s dire financial situation unless they could get wheat or fermentable grain and send at leastsomeguards to uphold the agreements.
“I don’t know enough to know how to plan yet,” Audrey was saying.“I’m stuck here planning foreverything.I can’t switch it off.”She pressed her knuckles to her forehead, squeezing her eyes closed.“And then I have so many plans, they’re getting tangled up and I can’t remember them properly.So I write them down, but then I get sidetracked partway and want to add to one I haven’t done yet or another one.I feel like my brain is tight-laced and I haven’t been able to use the privy all day and I’m trying to untangle skeins a cat’s toyed with.”
“Did you feel this way when the knight was in your bed?”I asked her, selecting the next color of wool for the cloak I was repairing.
“This has nothing to do with Chay,” she shot back, the words venomous.
“It might have something to do with energy that needs an outlet,” I offered, keeping the words neutral.“Which is a manageable issue, hence why I asked.Or it might be that you’re missing the connection of being with someone you feel good with.Again, manageable.”
She kept pacing, silent.
I didn’t tell her it had always been doomed.They’d built a relationship in a flurry of danger on a basis of mutual fear and lack of options.Understandable.Human.But doomed.
“Shopping for dildos is probably difficult for you,” I acknowledged.“I’ll source a selection.When the markets open back up, I’ll keep my ears to the ground for a clockwork pleaser.Faster, simpler, and cleaner than a partner, I hear.You’ve the coin, so you may as well use it.”
“Isolde,” she said.My name crumbled in her mouth.
I felt for her.I really did.“As for your heart—you need to prioritize your time with Storm.Nothing leaves you as calm as time with that horse.Consider claiming a room nearer the stables as an office so a brief visit is simpler.Even just seeing that part of the castle from the window might center you.”
“I love him,” she said, the words thick with tears.
“That’ll make it harder.”I shook out the sewing while I listened to her wax on and on.No one could ever call me impatient.“Love not returned is just another toxin, Audrey.Channel it.You want to plan?Plan your life to continue despite him.”
The tears rolled down her cheeks.“I don’t think I’m ready to hear this yet.”
“I don’t think you are either.”Pride stirred in my chest.“While you get to the point where you are…loveyourself.Focus onyourself.No one will take that from you.”
She nodded, turning away, her shoulder shaking.“Goodnight,” she said through the tears.
I didn’t tell her she was taking the hits like the peerless warrior she was, same as she always did, but I thought it as I gathered up my sewing and snuffed the candles.She wasn’t ready to hear that feedback either.
She’d go down.
She’d survive.
She’d come up again swinging.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
AUDREY
On the topic of business, your daughter wrote me with pretty words.I won't be receiving men this year to train my army.If I weren't in direct conversation with you, I'd be confused.Best you call in your kin, Victor.Regardless, I’ve three companies of trackers on the way to you.They’re fleshed out with some wounded, as usual, but by the time they get to you, they'll be good enough to get what you need to do done.Your boys are, as ever, doing peerless work.
—in a letter from General Dieudonné, Count of Black Borough to General Victor, Duke of La’Angi
7thDay of Winter’s Son Moon,
