Page 60 of Isabelle & Jason
Jason was livid. And based on the fact that she was here in his room instead of her own, he probably had every right to be.
She shut her eyes tight, and a tear slipped free. Deep down, she knew she wasn’t okay. She’d wanted to admit it for months now. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
There was so much to unload with a confession like that. She was angry with herself for not being able to handle what had happened to her when others could. She was terrified that if she admitted something was wrong, people would look at her differently. She refused to show weakness.
Brushing at the stray tear, she remained still, staring up at the ceiling.
“Nothing? Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?”
She flinched again. His tone was still quiet, but the words cut her deep. This was why she’d refused to let anyone in. No one would want to deal with the baggage she had buried deep within her. Jason was so good to her, and the guilt eating at her for being less than he deserved ate at her. But she still couldn’t let him go.
“Isabelle,” Jason snapped, jumping to his feet. “Say something.”
“What do you want me to say?” she whispered.
Don’t cry. Not another single tear. Don’t show him weakness.
Jason muttered and paced by her bed—or rather, his. “Admit that there’s a problem and you need help.”
Her jaw tightened. “I had a couple drinks last night, Jason. So what if I overdid it? I didn’t even have that many.”
He let out a sound that resembled a growl. “Really? That’s how you want to spin this?”
Slowly, so her movements didn’t cause her additional pain, Isabelle sat upright. She rested her pounding head in her hands. “Yeah, really. I overdid it. People get drunk all the time and can’t remember?—”
“No,” he ground out. “Not like this.”
She would have rolled her eyes if she didn’t think it would cause a sparking light to blind her.
“You’re dealing with something and are refusing to get the help you need. There’s nothing wrong with it. But the first thing you need to do is ask for help.”
Isabelle refused to look at him. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. Whether from her exhaustion or the hangover, she couldn’t tell. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.” She hated feeling judged by him. Where was the caring man who made her feel seen? The man she could count on?
She lifted her eyes to meet his, and her stomach dropped.
There were tears wetting his cheeks. The heartbreak in his eyes was so tangible that it stole the breath right from her lungs. The irritation from this little intervention dissipated, and her heart lurched.
“Jason?” she whispered, reaching for him.
He shook his head. It was a subtle shake, but that motion ripped her heart in two. “I can’t,” he rasped.
“You… can’t… what?” Her voice broke.
Jason dragged a hand down his face and turned away from her. He placed his hands on his hips and hung his head low. “I’m not good for you, Isabelle.”
“What?” Wincing at the desperation in her voice, Isabelle attempted to move toward him, but her body refused to do what her mind wanted her to. “Please don’t do this,” she begged.
He tilted his head and stared at the ceiling as if he could see the answers written there. Despite telling herself she wasn’t going to cry, tears spilled down her cheeks. “I can’t keep doing this with you, Isabelle. We’re going around in circles.”
“That doesn’t even make sense. Nothing is?—”
Jason finally faced her. “Last night…” He choked on the words. “Last night when they brought you here…” He worked his jaw, then stared at the floor. “You’ll never know how hard it was for me.” His hand came up and gripped his Henley. The shirt wrinkled in his tight fist. “All I could think about was what if someone hurt you? Do you even understand how lucky you were?” He shook his head. “For all you’re struggling with lately, why? Why would you put yourself in that position again?”
Her throat closed up. It sounded like a reasonable question, but it wasn’t one Isabelle could answer. Everything remained muddled in her mind. All she wanted was to disappear. There was one thing she could offer him. “You’re right.”
His sharp gaze turned to hers, waiting.
“I shouldn’t have done that last night. I don’t know why I…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I needed to forget for one night.” The last bit was said on a breath of a whisper. “But I’ll do better, Jason. I swear.” She couldn’t meet his eyes, not anymore.
