Page 61 of Isabelle & Jason
“You’ll get help?”
“I told you. I don’t need?—”
He sighed, drawing her attention. “Isabelle, I can’t…” He pressed his lips into a thin line, and his voice broke on his next words. “We can’t do this anymore.”
Her eyes widened. “But?—”
“Don’t. Please, Isabelle. This is breaking my heart.”
“Then stop. You don’t have to do this.” She reached for him again, unable to scramble from the bed when another sharp pain lanced through her. “Please,” she whispered, “you’re the only one who makes me feel safe. You’re the only one who has managed to bring color back into my life. I can’t do this without you.”
Jason grimaced. She knew that expression. He was losing his nerve.
Isabelle opened her mouth, but Jason held up his hand and shook his head.
“That’s the problem, now, isn’t it?”
When she couldn’t find the words to respond, he continued.
Jason reached for the chair he’d been sitting on. His fingers wrapped around the back tight, his knuckles turning white. “I don’t tell many people this, but my sister was a victim of sexual assault.”
Isabelle’s mouth fell open. He’d never indicated that he’d been close to someone who had endured such a thing. She couldn’t find the strength to respond. What could she say? Nothing. And the reason she knew that was because there were no words for her own situation. Apologies didn’t mean anything. Empathy was tricky because she didn’t know anyone who hadbeen through something similar. She didn’t realize she was still crying until Jason moved around his chair and crouched down in front of her to wipe them away from her cheeks.
The pain in his expression mirrored her own.
“I thought…” He took a deep breath and released it. “I realized something last night.” He turned his head away, and his jaw tightened. “I think there was some part of me that was intent on saving you. From the pain. From the memories. From the nightmares…” He closed his eyes and sighed again. “From healing.”
“Jason, no?—”
He took her hands in his. “Let me finish, Isabelle. Please.”
She closed her mouth, wishing she had the strength to pull him into her arms and comfort him. But she was too hollow herself. At some point, she’d become a shell of the person she used to be.
Perhaps he could see it. Perhaps that was why this was finally happening.
“I was wrong,” Jason muttered. “I was wrong for focusing on saving you. Honestly, it’s something I need to work on. It’s not a healthy outlook. I might have rationalized that if I could be that person for you, then you’d be happy again.”
“You do make me happy—” she tried again, but with one look, he silenced her.
“No one can be responsible for your happiness, Isabelle. No one can find it for you or force it on you. Don’t you get that? At some point everyone has to find their own happiness—their own reason for living. It should never hinge on a person or a thing.” He reached up with one hand and cupped her cheek. With a calloused hand, he brushed at another tear. “You have to seek it out all on your own. Build a foundation and discover what brings you joy. To heck with all the evil and pain in the world. That’snot going to go anywhere. But despite it all, there’s light. You just have to find it.”
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “I’m scared.”
“I know,” he said. “Me, too.”
More tears spilled down her cheeks. “What if I can’t find it?”
He was quiet for a long moment. The only sound she heard in the room was their uneven breathing. A future without him seemed impossible, especially when she’d felt her most “normal” when she was with him.
As much as she wanted to beg him to change his mind, she already knew the truth. Jason had made his decision, and he was sticking with it. She’d pushed him too far. She’d taken and taken without giving enough in return. What if her soul had been turned into a black hole and there was no chance for redemption? The thought churned her stomach.
“You will,” he said.
Her eyes opened and she blinked rapidly, her thoughts scrambling in an attempt to remember what she’d said.
“You are one of the strongest women I know,” Jason whispered. “You have the biggest heart. Just because you got knocked down doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to get back on your feet. There are so many people who love you. Don’t take that for granted. You’re not alone.”
Isabelle stifled a sob. She’d never felt more alone than she did in this moment. Jason had been a confidant—one she hadn’t realized she’d needed. And he was leaving.
