Page 76 of Isabelle & Jason
Isabelle dropped her gaze to her hands. “Not since that first day. I sorta avoid…” She could feel Dr. Klein’s eyes on her. “The last time I saw him, I had a panic attack.”
“And you’re concerned you’ll regress if you were to see him again.”
“Yeah.”
The quiet that filled the room had a sort of comfort to it. Isabelle let the confession wrap her in a protective hug. At least now she was capable of admitting that she wasn’t okay.
“I’m not usually in the habit of disclosing my personal life, Isabelle, but I will say that I was attacked when I was in high school.”
Isabelle’s head snapped up and her eyes rounded before she could school her features. How could she have forgotten that? Jason had said his sister had been assaulted, and yet she hadn’t made the connection.
Dr. Klein’s smile was one that resembled resolved sadness. “It took years of work to get through it, and it didn’t help matters that I ended up pregnant.”
Isabelle gasped. “I’m so sorry?—”
Her therapist held up a hand. “If there is one thing I learned from my own personal experience, it’s that we can’t dwell on the past. That isn’t to say that we forget it. On the contrary, we must learn from each and every one of our experiences—even the ones that hurt us the most. That night, you weren’t in control. You had something taken from you, stolen. That is a violation of catastrophic proportions.”
“But it wasn’t as bad as…” Isabelle trailed off and looked away. They’d gone over this before. Multiple times. She flushed even though Dr. Klein didn’t correct her. It would take time, but Isabelle would continue working on rewiring the way she thought about her personal struggles.
“Something that is impossible for one person to heal and move on from might be easy for another and vice versa.”
“I know,” Isabelle murmured.
“What I went through was difficult, but I can honestly say that there are certain things I witness on a daily basis that I don’t think I could handle. But for you? They might seem easy.”
Nodding, Isabelle wrung her hands together. “I can understand that, too.”
“So, let’s stop comparing, shall we? Let’s focus on your healing and what you feel would help you the best.”
Another nod.
Dr. Klein had never made Isabelle feel like less of a person, even when Isabelle had realized that Dr. Klein was related toJason. She had to have known that they’d gotten close—that they’d been in a relationship together. But Jason never came up. Not even when Isabelle discussed what had triggered her to finally seek help.
Jason had been a big part of that, not that Isabelle blamed him. She’d felt abandoned and lost. But she’d also accepted that Jason needed to do what was best for him, even if that meant they weren’t going to be together anymore.
Isabelle blew out a breath. She’d been running from her past. Her therapist was right about moving forward while accepting that the past couldn’t be changed. While the thought terrified her, she had to finally admit that she couldn’t keep avoiding the inevitable. Eventually, she’d have to see Dillan again. “I think I’d like to confront him. The man who hurt me.”
The only indication that her decision was surprising was the slight lift of Dr. Klein’s brow. “And what would you hope to accomplish by confronting him?”
“Closure, I guess.” Isabelle shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s been years. I don’t think he’d apologize to me or anything. That would be expecting too much.”
“Sadly, I think you’re right. We can’t dictate the way other people act. And those who are comfortable hurting others don’t typically show remorse without finding their own reasons to do so.” She never insisted that Isabelle report Dillan. She didn’t even ask for Dillan’s name. They spoke about him as if he only existed when Isabelle needed him to. Usually, these sessions were more about Isabelle finding peace.
Maybe that peace could come from speaking to Dillan once more.
“I think I’d like him to know how much he hurt me, even if he doesn’t care. Because at least he’d know that what he did wasn’t without certain consequences. Is that dumb?”
“Of course not. Like I said, these sessions are about you and your future. Your well-being. Whatever that looks like to you, I will support.”
They discussed a few other ways Isabelle could find her inner peace before she set up another appointment. As Isabelle was heading for the door, she stopped and faced Dr. Klein. “I know you said we didn’t have to discuss Jason…”
Her therapist lifted her eyes. “Izzie?—”
“This isn’t about my therapy,” Isabelle rushed to assure her. “And I completely understand if you don’t want to say anything. I just…” She closed her eyes briefly. “I just want to make sure he’s doing okay.”
Something like empathy flickered in Dr. Klein’s eyes. She placed her notepad on a table beside her chair and crossed her legs. Maybe there was even a little hesitation. Finally, she sighed. “He’s doing well. He’s still in town. I’m not sure if you were aware of it.”
Isabelle blinked. She hadn’t been aware. Jason never reached out to her after the handful of calls she’d made. No text message had been returned either. She figured he’d moved on and this was her sign to do the same.
