Page 58 of A Second Chance for the Beta
“I don’t know,” I blurt out. “I don’t fucking know. I just got Rob’s message and thought, why not? Finally, a boy who doesn’t find me weird or loud or obnoxious. I’m trying so hard to make them like me. I know I’m not enough. I just want to be normal so bad.” I feel how angry tears fill my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so fucked up.”
Ella comes over to me and pulls me into a hug. “You are enough, Charlie. And there are many people who like you. And I’m certain there are many boys who like you.”
“I feel guilty whenever I start feeling happy,” I admit. “I watched mom’s video, and I just… I know she isn’t here, and I should always miss her, but sometimes I forget about feeling sad, and I know that’s not okay.”
“But itisokay,” Ella says. “Candy wouldn’t have wanted you to cling to your grief.” She pauses. “We will get you the help you deserve. A proper grief counselor. Believe me, this is going to help a lot. Would you be willing to try that?”
I nod. “Why are you like this?” I ask finally.
“Like what?”
“So… nice… You could be mad at me. I gave you so many reasons to hate me, but you are still here.”
“I didn’t grow up in the system,” she says. “But I grew up as an orphan. I know how it feels if all you can do is rely on yourself. I know how it feels to grow up without having anyone around you, no parents, no family. And to feel all alone, angry.”
“Did you have an Ella in your life?” I ask her.
“No, but I had an Annie in my life.”
“The luna?” I ask curiously.
“Yes, she became my best friend in school, and I learned from her and later Dave that I deserve to be loved and that I’m not a failure. That it’s not my fault my parents died.” She pauses. “It’s easier said than done, though, because when I met Dante, I just wanted to run.”
“But you are so perfect for each other!”
“At that moment I was just terrified that he would see the real me and be disgusted by who I really am.”
I stare at her in shock. We are so similar. I didn’t even realize how much our stories resemble each other. “I’m so happy you found me,” I tell her. “I know I never told you, but it changed my life. I don’t even know anymore how it felt not to have you and Dante around me. It’s so scary.”
“I feel the same,” she admits. “Sometimes I have nightmares that it’s all just a dream, and my life is still empty and lonely.”
“You have those too?” I exclaim.
“You and Dante make it complete,” she says. “We might not have any blood relatives left, but we are going to build our own family and surround ourselves with friends who will become our chosen family.”
I let her words sink in. “I like that thought. It’s just”—I pause, not sure how to continue—“I still feel sad sometimes.”
“Me too,” she admits. “Charlie, we lost a lot, and we went through a lot. And I strongly believe we are allowed to grieve and to be irrational at times. Or angry.”
I nod tentatively before I press my hand against my heart. “I don’t know what to do with these feelings, though. It just hurts.”
“We will find a way to deal with it,” Ella promises. “Maybe we can learn from each other?”
“I think I’d like that,” I admit.
Ella reaches out her hand, and I take it, squeezing it a bit. “Come,” she says. “Let’s go and have dinner. Don’t worry, I didn’t cook. Dante did.”
“Thank Goddess.” I chuckle.
Dinner is surprisingly pleasant. Aside from the lasagna, Dante has had more food brought up from the kitchen—chicken drumsticks with mashed potatoes and salad. He doesn’t reprimand me for what happened earlier, but I make sure to apologize once more.
“Well, at least we now know that you can defend yourself,” Dante says. “Rob looked terrified of you.”
“Is it true that you bit off one of the guys’ ears?” Ella asks while taking more of the lasagna.
“I didn’t bite it off,” I say.
“You have good instincts,” Dante says. “Commendable. And very unusual for a young werewolf like you who never trained.”
