Page 18 of An Enigma for the Lycan Crown Prince
My head feels dizzy, my view is blurred when my father steps forward to say a few words. He emphasizes how good of a luna she was, and how she gave him an heir, and all the other things the pack likes to hear. To me, none of it ever mattered. She was just my mom, not the luna. She was my warm and sad mom who I wished I could have made smile more.
The lump in my throat grows when Gamma Tobias and Beta Oliver light the pyre, the flames flashing upwards and engulfing my mom’s body. She is gone forever now, nothing of her remains but my memories of her.
I can feel Flora’s small hand reaching out for mine. I want to pull away instinctively, but it feels so warm. So warm. I wrap my fingers around it to hold on to it, the only anchor I have left.
Mom’s family was never big, and they don’t live in this area. I never really met any of them. So, I am not surprised to see no one from her side during her funeral.
During the next few days there are a lot of visitors coming, most of them from allied packs and some friends.
But, no one stays for long, and fortunately, no one pays much attention to me.
I am only required to greet them, other than that I can go about my own business. I mostly spend my time with Flora and Jace. I didn’t want to go back to school, but now that I am, it’s a pleasant distraction. Jace and Flora make sure to shield me from all attention. I’m not sure what happened, but Flora’s reputation seems to have changed completely.
Suddenly, everyone seems to be slightly scared of her.
When a group of classmates wants to circle me to ask questions, it only takes her to stomp with her feet and glare at them to chase them away.
At home, things are dull. Dad and I barely spend time with each other. That’s nothing new, but, before Mom was still around and I had someone to talk to. It’s true that Mom was barely there; she didn’t listen as her thoughts were far away and she barely hugged me, but she was still here. Now, sometimes Dad doesn’t even come home at night. Most of the time, I spend with Hazel and Flora, and sometimes the beta is with me.
Gamma Tobias isn’t much around, either. So, to my surprise, he is here today and picks Flora and me up from school. He looks tired and pale, and like he has lost some weight. He reminds me of how Mom looked before she died. I don’t know the gamma really well, but I know he cared for Mom and was a friend to her. I don’t want him to jump like she did.
“Are you okay?” I ask him, after he and I had lunch together and are having some tea. I am actually surprised he made time for me. During the last couple of days, he’s been incredibly busy.
“Don’t worry about me, Elden,” he says quietly. “I am actually lucky I still have my rank.”
“Why would you lose it?”
“Because Carolina… because your mother died under my watch,” he mutters. “Your dad thinks it isn’t my fault, though, and that nothing could have prevented it.”
Silence engulfs us. He doesn’t sound too convinced. “And what do you think?”
“I think that I should have tried harder to protect her,” he pauses. “And that others should have tried also.”
“I should have been better, too,” I say quietly.
“No, you were perfect,” Gamma Tobias looks at me with a sad smile. “When Carolina had her good moments, she always talked about you. You were the most important to her, all that mattered. You were her light. I think she held on for so long because of you.”
I swallow thickly, not sure if I can believe him. “You were her friend,” I mutter. “She trusted you. Thank you for having been her friend.”
Tears fill the gamma’s eyes, and when I gaze into them, I see it again. He looks so broken. “Elden, I asked the alpha to let me have lunch with you so that I could tell you something.”
I feel a dreadful feeling settling in me. “What do you want to tell me?”
“I, I won’t stay here. I can’t,” he blurts out. “I wanted to. For Carolina, I wanted to stay, and you are here, too, her son, but I can’t. I just can’t.”
“No,” I whisper.
“I can’t stay,” he says, tears filling his eyes further until the first few spill. Dad always says that a man shouldn’t cry, yet I don’t think Gamma Tobias looks pathetic; he just looks sad. And it terrifies me.
I rise up from my place, standing in front of him. “Please don’t go! You can’t go.”
“I am so sorry,” he says, slipping down on his knees in front of me. “I am so sorry, young prince. I am so sorry. I hope Carolinawill forgive me for leaving. I hope you will forgive me. But I can’t. I can’t stay here anymore,” his voice cracks. “I just can’t. She died, my luna and best friend is gone, there is no place for me here anymore.”
The lump in my throat returns, and I have that funny feeling in my stomach again. It feels like an endless pit that keeps sucking my emotions into it. I can’t name these feelings, and I have no words for the sadness I feel or for how helpless I am.
I don’t know Tobias well, but he had a connection to my mother. He understood her in a way no one else could. He knew her like no one else did. If he leaves, I will forever lose this connection.
“You can’t leave,” I whisper. “You can’t leave.”
