Page 38 of My Broken Mate
“And?” Lyle asks curiously. “That’s all? Come on, Remy! Is that good or bad?”
“She says what’s on her mind without being impolite. She is so straight-forward and blunt, and kind of naïve in her excitement and her plans for the future.”
I don’t know why, but it just ticks me off.
“Ah, so you don’t like her.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So you like her? She is cute, isn’t she? Kiki showed me her picture, and she looks sweet.”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “It’s just a job, Lyle. Let’s not overcomplicate it.”
He laughs. “Overcomplicate? You don’t need to befriend her or get close to her, but what’s wrong with actually having fun during work? She seems to be pleasant enough to be around. It looks like a lot of our peers like her.”
Fun.
Something about his words tick me off, just like when Katalina mentioned partying and her friends. “I know how to have fun,” I snap.
Lyle stares at me, clearly confused. He looks like he is racking his brain to find what ticked me off, and it makes me instantly feel bad.
“Sorry I—”
“I didn’t mean to imply—”
I sigh. “You go first.”
“I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t know how to have fun,” Lyle says. “Just that Katalina seems to be a magnet for joy.” He gazes at me. “You are always so serious,” he adds quietly. “I thought it would be nice to have someone light-hearted around you. I don’t know much about having fun either.”
“More than me.” I rub my temples thoughtfully. “I don’t know why she rubs me the wrong way. In a twisted way, it’s almost painful to be in her vicinity. I know that doesn’t make sense.”
“Hey, it doesn’t matter,” Lyle says. “We are we, and Katalina is Katalina, right? We are okay.”
“Yes,” I say, without much conviction, but I don’t want to bother Lyle with my problems more than I already did. Instead, I focus on the food, trying to shift the talk into a new direction, namely the gala we both loathe so much and can complain about for hours.
Meanwhile, I try not to think about Katalina.
Fuck. I don’t even know why I feel that way. There is nothing wrong with her, and she didn’t say or do anything. In fact, she was nothing but accommodating and friendly, but there is a sense of familiarity about her that terrifies me. It’s as if she reminds me of something long ago, something I have lost and am not sure if I will ever be able to get back.
Chapter eleven
Pitch-Black
*REMY*
My outing with Lyle distracted me for a while, but once back home, I feel even emptier now than I did before, leading to yet another restless night. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why can’t I fucking sleep for one fucking night? Just let me sleep, for once. Please, Goddess, let me sleep! I just want to sleep for one night, just let my mind rest once.
I press my hands against my eyes in an attempt to make it even darker around me. I try every advice I have dug up during the last couple of months when I researched insomnia. All the tricks, from sleep noise—sounds that are supposed to be relaxing—to distracting my mind by trying to find random fruits with each letter of the alphabet. I have envisioned my thoughts as a trail of a river, I have tried meditation, I have drunk milk, and I eventried getting up and walking around to tire myself out again. But nothing helps. I just wish someone would knock me out for real. Just hit me unconscious and make me fucking sleep!
My growing frustration just makes it even more difficult to find rest.
For a split second, I can see Kata’s face in front of me. She is smiling, and I faintly remember her scent. She smelled nice. It’s not something I notice usually, but she—
What am I even thinking about?
I kick my blanket away and get up. Why did Kata slip into my mind now? Well, I bet she never has problems sleeping. She probably doesn’t have many problems at all with her loving family and her outgoing personality.She is kind. People like her. Fun.That’s how Lyle said it. Who even cares? People like her are fake anyway. Why should I even mind what she is doing or who she is? It’s better not to get to know her.
Since I am now very much awake, there is no way to return to bed. My mind still feels drowsy, so instead I decide to go to the kitchen and grab some water. Maybe walking around will tire me out, as the last podcast concerning insomnia suggested. I doubt it, but I have no better ideas. All my studying and good grades, and I can't even find a way to sleep better. That’s pathetic!
