Page 65 of My Broken Mate
At least the headache has subsided enough for me on Wednesday so that I can hold my tutor session with Kata. Even if I were still suffering from my headache, I would have tried everything to not cancel on her. I know she doesn’t like me, and I know that I have hurt her. I wasn’t aware I did, but this doesn’t excuse anything. I am constantly stuck in my own mind and have difficulties opening up to anyone around me, even my friends, but I didn’t know she would think I am looking down on her or belittling her. She is not less than me. In fact, I am the one who is less than most other shifters, because I can’t even fucking shift.
I didn’t want her to realize how pathetic I am, but by doing so, I hurt her.
Levi drives me this time, keeping me distracted by talking about Lyle. “I am so happy for him,” he exclaims. “Cora really is a sweet girl, and they get along so well. And frankly, Lyle is great with her. He makes sure she doesn’t feel lonely or homesick, and he even asked Alpha Sean to be allowed to move into one of the smaller apartments in the packhouse.”
“Does he not want to stay at home?” I ask.
“He said he doesn’t want Cora to be forced to live with his whole family. I can be weird, you know?”
I nod. “He has a point.”
“I am really proud of him for how bold he was when he approached Cora during the gala and how confidently he acted in front of her alpha.”
I smile slightly. “It will mean a lot to him if you tell him,” I say.
Levi tosses me a surprised gaze. “You think so? How come?”
I think of my relationship with my brothers, and how they are better at everything they do. A word of praise would mean theworld to him, and I know for Lyle it’s similar. “Just a feeling,” I say evasively. “But make sure to tell him.”
Levi hums something, still eyeing me curiously. But he doesn’t push the issue. Fortunately, we arrived at our destination.
“Are you staying?” I ask him.
“Yes, I have set up a meeting with Beta Evander.”
Right, I sometimes forget that Kata’s middle brother is currently the beta of the pack. It’s pretty much like Gabe was Sean’s beta at first before Sean found his own beta. I guess it’s a similar situation. Once Levi has parked the car, we both get out of it. He waves me goodbye and hurries into the packhouse, while I slip in through a side entrance.
I take a shaky breath. This is scary. I wonder what Kata will say or do when she sees me. I should probably apologize to her, but I am not sure how to. I don’t want to make it even more awkward, and I also don’t want her to feel more off.
“Remy!” Kata calls out while opening the door. “You are here! Come in!”
She is wearing a cropped top and jeans, and I can barely look away from how pretty she looks. I have never in my life ogled a girl or woman, so I don’t know why it’s always so difficult to look away from Kata, no matter what she wears or does. Something about her always pulls me in.
She keeps chatting while she leads me to her room, showing me a new piece of art Evander made. There are lots of worms and skulls, and it’s overall disturbing but also weirdly intriguing, like everything he draws.
Nothing about Kata indicates that she is upset with me or angry, or that I hurt her feelings, but I know she is. I have overheard her say it.
How is she able to bounce back so fast?
On her way to her room, she grabs a bowl with what looks like a mascarpone dessert, making my heart sink to new depths.
“I handed in my paper in time,” she tells me as we sit down at the desk in her room. “And I passed my exam! I didn’t do extraordinarily well, but small steps, right?”
“That’s pretty good,” I say. “So, you stuck to the schedule.”
“I did! It was really doable. You clearly have a hand for such things,” she says, sorting through some of her papers and showing me her recent results. “I am really thankful for how much you did for me. Couldn’t have done it without your help.”
When I look at what she shows me, it’s evident that she could have done it anyway. She just needed someone to help her with the first steps, but now that she knows how to do it, she clearly doesn’t need me anymore. She is going to be successful. “I have never seen someone turn it around as fast as you did,” I admit. “That’s your doing, not mine.”
She looks flustered at my words, much to my surprise. “I don’t know, I still feel like a failure.”
Her words are baffling. She is anything but a failure. Everything about her is strong and beautiful, and it’s obvious she will have a bright future ahead of her, no matter which path she chooses. She could work for the pack beside Alpha Joel or walk a completely different path. She could be a warrior or an advisor. She could do anything, because she is so well-liked, kind and motivated.
I want to tell her that she probably doesn’t need me anymore, but somehow I can’t. I am scared she will agree and tell me to stop coming to her. Then I will have lost the last ray of sunshine in my life. Now that I have a small taste of it, I just can’t let it go, but I don’t know how to keep it either. I don’t even know why she feels like this light to me. When I met her for the first time, I felt confused. Something about her ticked me off and pulled mein at the same time. Lyle was right when he told me she is on my mind.
Looking back now, I must have acted completely weirdly when talking about her.
If only I could understand the reason for my own confusion.
