Page 146 of My Broken Mate
“Exactly,” Remus says bitterly. “He forced her to do a lot of things.”
I frown at his words, my mind slowly starting to put the pieces together.
“And then she died. He usually didn’t hit me, but he did other things. I think he saw me as an extension of her.”
Silence lingers around us. I am not sure if the specialist truly grasped everything that Remus just said, but I certainly did. The last puzzle piece finally finds its place and reveals a picture of what truly happened in the darkness of our home.
A ball of fury, in the pit of my stomach, starts to tug at me, wishing to come out and hurt someone. Just that the person I want to hurt is already gone. But there is also a deeply rooted sadness for not having prevented it, and guilt for the same reason. I should have protected my brothers. But they both suffered so much.
I struggle for words, not able to form a sentence. “Rem—”
Please, don’t,he begs.I told you because I felt I had to. And I will tell Gabriel on my own terms, eventually. But please don’t feel guilty, don’t tell me how sorry you are. I don’t want pity.
What do you want?I ask.
Help me with the tools I need to deal with this. I can’t allow myself to slip into that dark space again. I want to strengthen my bonds to my family, and my wolf, and my pack, but I can’t do it without help.
I reach out my hand, waiting for him to nod, before I squeeze his arm.
Remus asks for privacy for the last tests that need to be done, and I use the moment to step outside of the room, walking downthe corridor to the meeting room next to my office. There is a small balcony there.
It takes a while for the gravity of it all to sink in. The things that were said, but also those that weren’t.
I am alone here, so I can finally allow the tears to run freely.
“Sean?”
I bury my head in my hands. “What are you doing here?”
“I… I grabbed a coffee and came here,” Joel mutters. “It’s warm out and felt like such a waste to sit inside.” He pauses. “I, I didn’t follow you or was snooping around. I am certainly notthatdesperate.”
“I didn’t think you did.”
He takes a step closer.
“Don’t,” I say. “You shouldn’t see me like this.”
“What?” he asks. “Vulnerable?”
“Weak.”
“You are a lot of things, but certainly not weak,” he argues.
“I wasn’t able to protect my family from my father.”
“You were a child, too,” he says.
Logically, I know this, but it doesn’t help. “He had his claws buried so deep into us. Sometimes it feels like I can't get rid of him.”
“Your father is long dead,” he says quietly.
“Part of him will never die,” I answer bitterly. “Some of his darkness will always remain inside me.”
“Is this the reason you don’t want a mate?”
“Maybe.” It’s not the full reason, but I am certainly not there yet to share this with him.
“All those years, you did everything to protect and help your brothers, and your pack. It’s all you do,” Joel says all of a sudden. Before I can even open my mouth to say anything, he nudges me. “Don’t argue with me. I am serious.” He pauses. “Don’t you think it’s time to spend some love on yourself, now?”
