Page 33 of My Broken Mate
“I didn’t,” I say. I want to tell them about how he is my mate, but can’t bring myself to do it, instead, I decide to do what I can do second-best after smiling it away. I make fun of myself. “When he came, I wanted to ask him why he is tutoring someone as helpless as me, when he could literally model for underwear instead.”
“Please tell me you didn’t say that out loud,” Fi chuckles.
“Don’t worry, I am not that stupid,” I say, and laugh, although I don’t feel like laughing at all. “Let’s see if I can really change anything about my utter failure at Uni,” I add.
“I am sure you will do just fine,” Fi says.
“And if not, I can still do something else, like becoming a warrior. I am not sure if I am any good at it, but I know I am not a complete failure.”
Ayden hasn’t said much up to now, but now intervenes. “I think you are more than capable of becoming a warrior. I also believe you can easily study if that’s what you want to. You can do anything.”
I am not so sure about that, but I know he gets upset when I argue with him about it, so I shut my mouth and instead eat the chocolate cake Ayden brought for me. Fi and Ayden, meanwhile, discuss Remy further while I switch my ears off and get lost in my thoughts.
Whenever I think of this afternoon, I can only see Remy in my mind. His heavenly scent, his beautiful dark-brown eyes, hisslight curls, his long eyelashes… and the way he didn’t talk to me at all, not on a personal level.
It was as if he didn’t even see me properly.
Chapter nine
The Three Musketeers
*REMY*
Iam doing it for my brother. I want to help. I just don’t know how, and so I thought this might be it.
Katalina…
No one calls me Katalina. You can call me Kat or Kata.
Goddess, why can’t I switch my mind off and stop thinking about everything she said and did? I have never met someone like her. Sincere to a degree, it’s almost insane! Who would even admit to their own failures like she does? Why is she so trusting and so bubbly? She told me everything about her, and she was so friendly.
People usually aren’t friendly with me. They are polite, curious even, but not friendly. But there is a warmth to Kata I can’texplain, and it feels so fucking genuine that it scares the shit out of me. It’s—
A wave of pain hits me all of a sudden; it’s as if something is gnawing on my mind.
“Remy?” Gabe’s voice reaches me. “What’s wrong?” I can hear footsteps coming closer, until I can feel his presence around me.
“My head,” I breathe out.
“Tell me what I can do!” he exclaims. “What do you need? I will call the pack doctor!”
“No,” I blurt out. “Just water.”
I don’t need to see him to know he is hesitating. For a moment, I can see Kata’s expression in front of me, the sincere look in her eyes, the smile, but I can’t bring myself to do the same when I am interacting with someone. Not even with my own brother. “Just one of my migraines,” I add, forcing my hand away and pretending like the pain is subsiding.
“Oh,” Gabe says. “Okay. Alright, let me fetch you some water. Do you have your meds?”
“Yes,” I say, trying to stop my voice from trembling while I wait for him to bring me a glass of water. Once I have it, I retreat to my room where I finally feel like I can be myself. With a groan, I drop down on my knees next to my bed, leaning my head against the bed frame. Fuck, what is this headache? It’s like my head is going to explode any moment. It’s worse than when I have my panic attacks or my migraines. This is different.
I force myself to drink some of the cold water and take my usual meds. I have had migraines since I turned eighteen. No one knows why. Sean and the doctors think it might be because of my wolf, but I doubt it. I can’t feel him anywhere. I am just broken, and, apparently, everyone around me refuses to accept my reality.
I try to focus on something else, to get my mind off whatever is going on inside me, but I can’t. Instead, I keep focusing on myheadache, on the throbbing hammering against my skull, and it seems like focusing on it just makes it worse.
Hearing footsteps in front of my door startles me slightly. How much time has passed? I drag myself up and into my bed, pretending to be asleep when the door opens slightly. “Remy?” Sean says. “Gabe said—” He pauses, probably spotting my figure on the bed. I force my breath to even out to fool him. I have become a master at it, so I am not surprised it works. Sean silently closes the door again.
The little intermezzo helped me to at least lessen my focus on my headache. Maybe the distraction or the breathing technique helped. Yet, the thoughts in my mind are still racing. I keep lying in my bed, just staring at the opposite wall and unable to bring myself to move an inch, even though I can feel how my headache slowly passes. I just don’t feel like moving or doing anything; every part of me is exhausted. My mind, even more so than my body. When I feel a bit more myself again, I gaze at the clock, noticing it’s 3 a.m. already. The hours have passed so fast. It’s dark outside, but not pitch-black since we are approaching dawn.
I roll onto my back, pressing my hand against my eyes to darken my view. It’s not worth it to sleep anymore. My mind is tired, but my destructive thoughts still have such a grip on me that they won’t let me rest. I might as well get up. Silently, I make it out of my room, almost stumbling over a plate in front of my door. There are snacks on it and orange juice. One of my brothers must have left it here, too afraid to wake me up. The knowledge that they still care about me, although I am so useless, makes my chest clench. How am I deserving of it?
