Page 74 of My Broken Mate
I am so distraught, I almost bump into the second warrior who accompanied us. Alpha Sean had him come for extra protection. He is an older, very calm man who looks strong, but also the type of guy you would trust your life with. Someone who remains calm even when things might go awry.
“Miss Katalina,” he says, and then nothing more. Instead, he gestures at the small alley next to the club.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He looks like he wants to say more, but then shakes his head and just smiles.
I wonder what it was he wanted to tell me, but I am not curious enough to stay. My longing for Remy is stronger. I almost believe that Remy might have left the alley again or that it’s all a joke, but not a couple of steps in, I can see him leaning against the cold brick wall of the club, hidden in the darkness of the night. His hand rests against his chest, while he takes short, frantic breaths.
I… I have seen this before with Joel. It was right after he challenged and killed our uncle, and when all the weight of the last years fell off his shoulders, and he was finally rewarded with the pack and reputation he deserved. He had a panic attack back then. Just the once, but it was enough for me to know how scary it can be for the person living through it.
Taking a careful step closer, I close the gap between Remy and me. I don’t dare to touch him, not sure how he will react, but I make sure to be close enough to him so that he can spot me. “Kat—” he tries to say my name, but another shiver shakes his body. He presses one of his hands against his head now.
“May I touch you?” I ask.
Remy just nods, and I gently put my hand on his chest before taking one of his hands and moving it to where my heart is. “Breathe with me,” I say, keeping my voice low and soothing, and not trying to let my own worry show.
For a moment, my mind goes back to the guy who bumped into us. Maybe he triggered something in Remy. Maybe the whole situation, the crowd, our proximity got too much for him. To my relief, Remy follows my lead, his breath still irregular and frantic, but I can see him trying to match my own breathing. Slowly, very slowly, his hitching breath calms down. I take the moment to gently massage his shoulders to help him with his headache. I am sure his issues are all connected somehow.
I don’t know how long we stay like that, but eventually, I can see the fog in Remy’s eyes clear, his breath even again. “Fuck,” he curses, his expression exhausted. There is a hint of shame in his eyes, which makes me feel so sad. Does anyone know he is suffering from these attacks, or does he hide them? Is he usually alone?
“I am sorry,” he mutters.
“Don’t be,” I say. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I shouldn’t,” he pauses. “I should be stronger.”
“My brother had one of these too once, and no one would ever call him weak,” I say. I would never blab Joel’s secrets if I weren’t sure he wouldn’t mind, but I know in this scenario he would want to be an example. That’s the man he is, always has been.
Remy looks surprised. He doesn’t say anything more, but there is a broody expression on his face.
“Did you hear us?” I ask quietly. “You did, didn’t you? During the gala.”
Remy’s eyes snap up. “Fuck,” he curses, for the umpteenth time today. He doesn’t look like the type of guy to cursenormally. Maybe I should take it as a compliment that he has his guard down so much. “You should know that I overheard.”
“I am so sorry,” I blurt out. “I was just so frustrated and said so many mean things, and I didn’t even mean them.”
“You were right, though. I was an ass, and the worst part is I didn’t even notice. Kata, I can’t even remember that we talked that evening. I am the one who needs to apologize. You were nothing but kind to me, and I wasn’t even able to treat you with the respect you deserve.”
My thoughts return to the evening, and I remember how pale Remy looked. “You weren’t feeling well, were you?”
“That’s no excuse.”
“Of course it is!” I exclaim. “Who are you trying to impress? It doesn’t make you weak if you show those you love when you feel upset or are in pain.”
“Those I love, huh?”
“Like your brothers,” I point out. “And…” Goddess, I feel my face flushing in embarrassment. Goodbye, dignity. “And I am here, too.”
“What is it with you?” he mutters, repeating his earlier words.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just… something about you is so intriguing, so alluring. I felt it when I saw you for the first time, although I tried my very best to ignore it. And then each time I saw you, the feeling got stronger. I didn’t want to get close to you in any way, but I can’t help it.”
My heart makes a jump for joy. This is not exactly the type of confession I was hoping for, but coming from Remy, the most closed-off person in the universe, this certainly means something! It’s more than I ever expected to hear from him. “Then, don’t fight it,” I say.
Joel would be proud of my cheesy line. I know it is, but I can’t help it. I just felt like saying it.
