Page 90 of My Broken Mate
“Take tiny steps,” Ayden suggests. “I would just work on your communication with him.”
“But how?”
“Say what you want to say,” he suggests. “Not what you think Sean or Remy want to hear, and not what you would have said if your father was looming over your shoulder. You are always striving for perfection, but sometimes it’s enough just to try.” He pauses. “When you spotted us in the coffee shop, what was it you honestly wanted to say? What did you feel?”
“I was happy to see Remy,” I say promptly. “Even happier that he had spent the whole night out with his friends.”
“Why did you bombard him with irrelevant questions then?” Ayden asks.
“Sometimes,” I admit. “I try to fill the silence, and don’t know how else to do it.”
“You could have just said how happy you were to stumble across him, and then asked us if we had fun. Instead, you made it sound like you were questioning his choices. Also, you never make yourself vulnerable that way. If Remy sees that you are anactualperson with sorrows and dreams, and realizes you are genuinely curious about his life, he will react much differently. He isn’t vulnerable with you, because neither of you is with him.”
“I feel like if I do that, he will know I am just boring and silly.” And utterly broken, but I don’t say that last part out loud.
“So what? Is that bad? You get along with Eve of all people, and Eve is extremely picky with his friends. This should tell you that people do like you,ifyou let your walls down.”
I frown before taking my notebook and writing down his advice. “This is actually good advice,” I mutter thoughtfully before gesturing at the waitress. “Please, bring that man a second burger.”
Ayden blinks. “How do you think I am going to eat that?”
“You need it, you are young and need energy.”
“What for?”
“Studying, training,” I offer. “Or maybe sex.”
Ayden blinks again, then he snorts. “See, you canactuallybe funny?”
A couple of hours later, after wrapping up a business meeting and then meeting Eve, after having ditched him on Monday, I make my way back to the pack. I wonder when it will feel lighter to return to it. The whole place is still clouded by dark memories that don’t seem to go away. It’s even worse with the packhouse. With every step, I can feel my chest getting squeezed, almost as if all the air leaves my lungs.
I use the side entrance as usual to avoid the many pack members who are buzzing around the packhouse. It seems like they were able to move on from the terrible reign of my father. I am glad about that. At least it shows a bit of change.
To my surprise, I almost stumble into Remy, who is standing right behind the door, eyeing the side entrance. “Remy,” I say.
Remy turns to look at me, and I can almost see the walls around him moving up again. This time, however, I don’t try to rattle them like I usually do; I don’t try to make conversation and fill the silence. Ayden told me that Remy will only open up if I do, too. He will only see me as a person if I show him Iamone. I just stand next to him for a while, staring at the same staircase and wondering if Remy feels the same dread of it as I do.
“Isn’t weird,” I hear myself say. “It’s been two years, but it’s still the same feeling.”
Remy flashes me a look I don’t quite understand, but nods. “Yes,” he says quietly.
“As if he's still around,” I mutter.
Again he looks at me, this time, clearly surprised. “I’m hungry,” I say. “Sucks that I missed dinner here, but maybe the kitchen still has something for us. You want to join me?”
That way, we don’t need to go upstairs yet.
Remy nods his agreement and follows me, and I hope he does it of his own free will, not because I asked him. Of course, the kitchen has something for us, as they always do for the alpha family. I make sure to tell them that we are happy with the leftovers, and soon Remy and I sit all alone in an empty dining hall with chicken, rice and some salad.
The silence feels pressuring, making me battle against the urge to fill it by asking questions. About his classes, college, his friends, schedules, everything. But this time I fight against it and hold back. I don’t give a shit about his college classes or schedule, I don’t care. He has proven he can handle these things on his own, and he is an adult.
“The Wagner family,” he finally breaks the silence himself, “Katalina and her brothers are truly special.”
“They are,” I say. “People easily judge them and underestimate them, but they are in for a surprise. Eve is the best example of it.”
“How did you get to know him?”
Evander and I actually met during college. Well, I was visiting classes, and he was jobbing there as part of the cleaning staff. Since I was never particularly good with my peers, I used to hang out in the tiny garden area at the back of campus, where no one ever went. I studied there and just enjoyed my peace. Well, no one used to be there aside from Eve, who used his breaks to draw.
