Page 92 of A Chance at Redemption for the Alpha
“And you, what do you think?”
“That I am so lucky to have met my mate, and that it’s you,” he says, his cheeks flushing slightly. “I really messed up with my first mate. I told myself I was protecting her, but fact is, I was shit. Then Isla happened, and I paid for my past mistakes. I can’t even hold it against her.”
I do, though. Maybe Benjamin wasn’t a great person in his old pack. However, I only know him now, and this Benjamin is honest, supportive, a touch shy and insecure, but also kind. He hasn’t lied to me once, and instead, openly told me his whole story. Even the ugly parts.
Isla was just out for rank and thought him beneath her. I bet it annoys her that he is going to become gamma now.
“And then I met you,” he continues. “And I think it was truly a gift from the goddess. Like she is rewarding me for something. I don’t feel I deserve you, but you are everything.”
“I wish you wouldn’t see yourself so lowly,” I say quietly, my heart hurting at the way he views himself and constantly saying how little he deserves, and how any insult he receives is understandable because of who he is.
We sit down on the grass, a bit further away from the party. The stars are sparkling in the night sky, and it’s truly a mesmerizing view.
“I don’t drink,” I say. “Because I lost my virginity when I was drunk. I was fourteen, it was my birthday. You know, I shared it with Elijah, my former alpha’s son, and I was invited to his party. His future beta was there, and he paid so much attention to me. I drank, and drank, because he spurred me on. I craved attention so much that I didn’t have it in me to say no to anything. My memory is blurred, but I remember him taking me to a room and sleeping with me. I didn’t feel ready, but I was too drunk to put up a fight, and he didn’t notice.”
Benji stays quiet for a while, then- “Fuck that asshole,” he growls. “He knew what he was doing!”
“They took photos,” I continue. “And Elijah threatened to spread them around, and said that I lured the future beta into bed. I was so scared that I did everything he wanted me to. He made me sleep with his rivals and help to destroy relationships like that.”
“Lori,” Benjamin takes my hand. “He used you. He knew what he was doing. He… he planned it.”
“What?” I stare at him. “No, I don’t think… I mean, Chris and Elijah…” I pause, remembering how even Ava was nice to me that evening, and how they made sure I had plenty to drink. And how they all appeared in the room after my night with Chris.
I feel my eyes fill with tears.
Benji pulls me into a hug. “I am so sorry,” he says sadly. “I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not to blame, not even a bit. What they did was despicable, and I will make sure they pay for it in one way or another!”
He says more, but I can’t hear what he is saying; my own sobs deafen me to every other noise. Benjamin keeps me in his arms, cradling me like I am a little kid, and it’s the most comfortingfeeling ever. I cling to him like my life depends on it. I don’t even care if it’s gross or embarrassing, I just want to feel safe. No one has held me like this before.
Benji doesn’t let go and keeps me in his arms until I have calmed down. The moment I feel my senses coming back, I am hit with a flash of shame and guilt. I just cried on him and told him everything from my past. Well, not all the details, but enough for him to feel grossed out.
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me,” he says quietly. “I am not sure if I am deserving of your trust. But I… want you to know that I never assaulted anyone. The warriors in my old pack often invited me to their gross parties, but I always found an excuse. I… I never crossed that line.”
I take his face between my hands. “You need to stop looking down on yourself,” I say, leaning my forehead against his. “Please stop doing that. I think you are kind, strong, and so respectful.”
“That advice goes right back to you,” he chastises.
“Are you really accepting me as your mate?” I ask. “With my messed-up backstory and all? I know you keep saying I was a victim, but I feel so guilty and gross. Are you really ready for all my emotional baggage?”
Benjamin takes my hands into his and looks me in the eye. “I, Benjamin Morris, with all my awful history and while still feeling undeserving, accept you, Dolores-“
“Ward,” I say breathlessly, not able to grasp that he is truly about to accept me.
“Dolores Ward, as my mate.”
“I, Dolores Ward, with all my baggage and guilt, accept you, Benjamin Morris, as my mate.”
Benjamin stares at me wide-eyed. “We just did it!” he beams. “I have a mate, and she accepted me!”
“I was about to say the same,” I chuckle. “We both know how to do the self-pity part, though,” I add.
Benji grins. “We really fit well.”
We both lay down in the grass. Instead of lying next to him, I mirror his position and stretch out opposite to him, only resting my head next to his. “I am sorry for not being ready to mate yet.”
“Don’t worry,” he reassures me. “I don’t mind going slow. Do you mind that I have zero experience?”
“Not at all,” I hurry to reassure him. “Do you mind that I have?”
