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Under a gabled roof decorated in holly and garlands stand five reindeer, corralled in by a white fence. Great big huffs of breath rise into the air around them, and everything smells like fresh, sweet hay. All the reindeer wear bridles and harnesses, embroidered with their names.

They’re watched over by possibly the surliest man ever to wear a pair of novelty reindeer antlers, dressed in what sheassumes is a regulation elf uniform – thin but very bright red velvet stitched into a jacket with large sleeves, bells fixed to the bottom of his lurid green trousers. The budget must have run out for fancy boots – he wears bog-standard country-person green wellies.

‘Can I touch them?’ she asks him, and he gives her a grunt in response and offers her a carrot. It takes her a moment to realise this is not for her but for the reindeer.

‘One of the fabled Calloway carrots, I presume?’ she whispers to Christopher. ‘I feel honoured.’

She snaps the carrot in half, and all five of the reindeer look up at once. She’s never been so close to a reindeer before. They’re so beautiful, with their mottled brown and white coats, and their velvety noses and ears. Their large heads swivel towards the sound, and they start congregating around her, not taking their eyes off the carrot.

‘God, they’re as bad as the dogs.’ Christopher laughs.

Unable to break it with her hands, Haf bites the carrot into chunks, and offers a little bit to each of them in turn.

‘That’s kind of disgusting,’ says Christopher. ‘It wasn’t even washed.’

‘What’s a bit of soil?’ She shrugs. ‘Good for the immune system, probably.’

Christopher remains unconvinced.

The reindeer are much more polite than she expects, clearly used to this little routine as they wait in turn for their piece of carrot. The last reindeer takes the final chunk from her hand and leaves behind a trail of hot saliva.

‘A bit of slobber too,’ she adds, shaking it off her hand. ‘What a treat.’

‘Is that one called Pepsi? Doesn’t seem like the most Christmassy name.’

‘I suppose there’s only so many times you can go through Santa’s nine without getting bored with the names. That big one is called Alan.’

A big chunk of hay in the corner suddenly moves, and out stumbles a baby reindeer.

Haf makes a noise that can be only heard by dogs, or possibly reindeer, and drops down to her knees. The snow bites through her clothes but she doesn’t care.

‘What a lovely baby, oh you’re so sweet!’ she says, tickling its nose. On his tiny harness, is the wordCupid. ‘Cupid, is that your name?’ she asks him, and in response, he honks and wiggles his tail. ‘I am never leaving. I love him. I would die for him.’

All around them, the sound of Christmas carols played on hand bells ring out.

‘Ah, that’s the sign things are starting. We should go get some mulled wine before it gets ransacked and leave the reindeer to the kids,’ says Christopher, turning to the fête.

Dragging her attention from the reindeer, she feels Christopher stiffen next to her.

‘Oh no,’ whispers Christopher, as he stares into the crowd.

‘What?’ asks Haf, trying to follow his gaze.

‘Sally is here.’

‘Sally? As in party Sally?’

‘Yes,’ he bleats, and Haf grabs him by the arm, spinning them back round to face the reindeer in case Sally spots them. ‘She must be home for Christmas.’

‘Damn it, I hope she hasn’t spoken to my family.’

‘Hopefully. Okay, it’ll be fine. We just need to avoid her, and keep her away from them. There’s plenty of people here, that should be easy.’

‘It’s a small town,’ he murmurs.

‘Well, the other option is we somehow convince her she knows me, introduced us, and has been instrumental in ourrelationship. I’m not super familiar with the methods of false-memory implantation, I must admit, but it sounds tricky.’

‘Thank goodness for that. You’d be a criminal mastermind.’