Page 79 of Under the Mistletoe with You
Nash arches an eyebrow.‘I want to help, Christopher.People need help, and I have the ability to do that.Mostly.And I’m really confused as to why you think I’m not taking it seriously.’
Christopher starts the engine, and Nash is grateful for the very small amount of heat that starts to flood through.
‘Well, you did just scream fuck very loudly.’
‘Right.Not my best moment.But I’ve been doing just as much as you this whole time.So, I don’t get it, Calloway?What’s your actual problem?’
Christopher’s brows furrow and he shuts his eyes briefly, shaking his head, as though the words he’s saying aren’t quite right.‘I just don’t want you to feel you have to just because ...’
‘Just because you’re not throwing me out into the snow, is that it?’
The blush that takes over Christopher’s face is a pretty solid answer.This might be the most confusing conversation Nash has ever had.How did they get from happily helping all these strangers out for two days, to Christopher accusing Nash of not taking things seriously, or doing it just because he felt he had to?Why does Christopher seem to have this impression of him being a total dickhead?Is this his fault?He thought they were just playfully bantering half the time, but maybe he’s misjudged all of it.
‘Christopher.Yes, you care about these people and yes, you need help to help them, and also yes, you are giving me shelter.All those things can be true at once.But that’s not why I’m doing this.I don’t feelbeholdento you specifically – we barely know each other.’
Christopher seems to shrink a little at least.
‘This is just the right thing to do.Plus, if I didn’t help, I’d be an enormous prick.’
‘I don’t think the prick part is affected by whether you help or not,’ Christopher says, and Nash can’t tell if it’s a joke or not.
‘I might be a prick sometimes, but at least I know when I’m being one.You’re acting like, just because I want to help, I pissed in your closet?’
‘Wardrobe.’
‘Keep correcting me, and I really will.’
‘Will what?’
‘Piss in your wardrobe.’
‘Please don’t.’
‘Then what is this?Are you just upset that I’m muscling in on your home?Taking the Boy Scout glory?None of this is makingyouseem particularlynota prick, by the way.’
Quietly, Christopher starts the van’s engine, and they start driving in tense silence.‘Look, I don’t mean to seem like I’m upset you’re taking my glory.That’s not...that’s not what I mean at all.’
‘Then why don’t you tell me what you mean instead of being such a—’ Nash searches around desperately for a word that’s notprickand for some reason lands on, ‘Huffy-pants.Real Heffalump energy.’
‘I am not huffy,’ laughs Christopher, seemingly in spite of himself.‘I didn’t even know you guys use that word?’
‘It’s just the right word for this general vibe, isn’t it?You are the huffiest man alive.And God knows where I heard it, apparently I’m becoming a local.Connecting with the community.That’s what I thoughtyouwanted.Or didn’t want, because who knows what’s going on in this conversation any more?’he says, on the edge of snapping.His head hurts already from how much they’ve done today, but this confusing conversation is making it so much worse.
With a deep sigh, Christopher says, sadly, ‘I really care about this place, Nash.It’s my home and I really want everyone to see me as someone who cares about the community.And I want to be someone whoshowsthey care.I’m sorry if it sounded like I was angry at you, I’m not.I just want to know that you’re as serious as I am.’
‘I don’t think there’s ever been a person in the history of the world as unfailingly serious as you, Christopher.But why do you think I would say I wanted to help if I didn’t?’
‘I don’t know,’ Christopher sighs, pulling into the bakery drive.‘That’s precisely why I’m asking.You have a very ...’
‘A very what?’
‘Misanthropic vibe about you, sometimes.’
Well.Fuck this guy, honestly.Nash has had enough of this conversation.He jumps out of the van and slams the van door shut hard behind him.He needs to get out of here, away from this man for enough time for him to cool down.From the back of the van, he gets out the shovel because if he doesn’t have something to do, he’s going to blow up.
Christopher gets out and tries to follow him.‘I’m sorry, I didn’t—’
Nash wheels round, holding up a hand to make Christopher stop following him.‘Just because people have let me down doesn’t mean I should let down people who are relying on me.I’m not a prick, Calloway.Stop treating me like I am.’
