Page 118 of Rule 1: Never Accidentally Marry Your Teammate
Relief moves through Finn when his gaze lands on me, and for a half second, everything is as it should be. He looks at me, and he smiles, and I want to catapult into his arms so that in the next second we’re kissing and undressing.
But it only takes me half a second more to remember all the reasons that would be wrong. His face freezes, then darkens.
My heart beats quickly, like a bird being chased by a fox and desperately trying to take off.
I trudge through the thick air, each molecule of oxygen laden with tension, to the elliptical machine, even though normally I’m a treadmill guy. He doesn’t follow me, and when I slide my gaze to him, he is facing the wall.
This is our new normal.
The other guys shoot us curious looks, but they don’t say anything to us.
They know we’re broken. They’ll talk about us when we’re not in their presence.
I focus on exercise.
I am calm. I am a lake—and not the Northern European kind with a sea monster tucked underneath somewhere. Nothing troubles me.
My fingers grit as I say these lies in my mind, but if I think them often enough, I will believe them.
Someone clears his throat, and my stomach sinks.
“Finn, Noah. Please come with me,” Coach says.
I hesitate.
“Now,” Coach orders.
Finn’s temple pulses, and he angles his face away from me. His back is still straight, his shoulders stillsquare, and I realize too late that I’m staring as I follow Coach and him from the room.
I force my gaze away, because if I let my gaze fall on him again, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look away.
I trudge after Finn, my legs suddenly wobbly, my mind light-headed. I want to fling my arms around Finn’s back and hear his startled laughter, followed soon by kisses.
But if I were to do that, the only sound I would get would be a huff of distaste and a shrug of repulsion. Finn and I are over. I never should have allowed myself to imagine the impossible.
I wish I could think of some excuse that could keep me away. A sudden, desperate toothache? Remembering I forgot my great-aunt’s funeral is happening right now?
But soon we’re in front of Coach’s office, and I missed my chance to remember I left the iron on and didn’t turn off the bathtub, and I must rush back to Luke’s and Troy’s place to see what will destroy it first—fire or flood.
I’m going to be in a small room with Finn.
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
Finn
A clock ticks, and the light from outside is too harsh. The air conditioner spurts cold air at me. Noah and I sit in Coach’s office. Mere inches separate us. Three tops, maybe two.
I slide my gaze to scrutinize the exact distance, but I’m possibly distracted by Noah’s thigh. Did I ever pay attention to how muscular it was? How many other details have I overlooked? My fingers twitch, desperate to trail over Noah.
Coach Holberg clears his throat.
I snap my attention to him. Heat prickles the back of my neck. At any moment, I’ll be full on blushing.
I spent the last twenty-four hours longing to be in Noah’s presence again, and now I finally am, but we’re sitting with Coach.
“I was planning to tell you today that Isaiah has formally retired. He wants to become a stay-at-home dad and not risk his body more. But there have been some disturbing news articles about you both that are more important,” Coach Holberg says.
I’m silent.
