Wouldn’t I have known that my husband was gay and not bisexual? Isn’t that the sort of thing a same sex married couple knows about each other?
My heart beats unsteadily, and when I try to eat all the delicious food, my throat is dry, and my stomach has turned to stone.
Noah casts a worried look at me, his bright green eyes round and concerned.
Normally I would reach him and comfort him, but now uncertainty has built borders between us.
Finally, Noah says something about an early day tomorrow, and I look down and find a half-eaten dessert—cheesecake, I think—at my plate.
I usher all my platitudes about how this meal was amazing, bringing out my best Carrington charm, but Vinnie’s look is strange, and Evan’s look is stranger, and I don’t think I’ve fooled anyone.
Noah suggests we get an Uber, but I want to walk. I want to walk everywhere and rid myself of the energy and uncertainty moving through my body, and I never want to reach home, because I don’t know what to say to Noah once we arrive.
NOAH
Finn’s steps lengthen, and I hurry after him. The night is dark, the sky black. The beautiful homes in Beacon Hill with their intricate warm red rick design have been replaced with large blocks. The flowers baskets that hung from glossy black lampposts have vanished, and the light from the lampposts, now lit, looks eerie. The Boston Common is dark, and the flowers resemble shag rugs in a dark room, and not anything that people have carefully designed, carefully grown and carefully nurtured.
Then the rain begins to fall.
A drizzle thickens to large raindrops, moving from a playful allegro to a fullcrescendo.
Still, Finn is silent.
Maybe he always will be.
I shouldn’t have said that to Evan.
I wasn’t thinking. I was too relaxed, and now Finn knows.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“You didn’t do anything.”
“I know, but—”
“We can talk at home.”
The knot in my chest tightens. “Okay.”
Shame fills me as I remember ducking into his room my first morning here, interrupting Finn doing an activity that he expected to be private.
Does he think I ventured in there on purpose, eager to try my chances?
My breath quickens, my heart threatens to explode. I think Finn glances at me, but when I look at him, his gaze is straight ahead. Raindrops wet his hair, and I want to brush them away. Yesterday, I would have. Now I totter uncertainly.
“Hello boys!” The security guard beams when we enter the lobby of Finn’s building, but his smile drops when he sees our faces.
The elevator takes forever to reach the lobby, and Finn paces the marble floor, as if dismayed he might have to make small talk with me, might have to talk with me.
The main door opens, and Madison saunters in. She joins us in quick efficient strides, unhampered by her heels. A floral scent wafts around us when she joins us in the elevator, and I can scarcely breathe.
“Ah, the happy couple,” she says.
Nothing about the words are cruel, but they slam against my chest all the same, and Finn’s expression is torn.
Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.
“Hello Madison,” Finn says.
