I gulp in some air.
It’s fine. This is my team.
But I wish when I looked out over my teammates that Cal was there.
“I behaved poorly,” I say. “Atrociously, actually. I wasn’t acting like myself. I promise I’ll change.”
I don’t think I’ve convinced them. I don’t give inspirational speeches like teachers in nineties’ movies. There’s no feel-good score to back up my words, only slightly bemused faces.
I get some nods though.
“Okay, thanks, Jason.” Coach Holberg claps his hands. “Let’s get back to work!”
And with that, I join my team.
I clutch my stick. This is what I dreamed about. I should feel good. And it’s not that I don’t, it’s not that I’m not super grateful, it’s just I want to tell Cal.
I scan the arena for a face that won’t appear. That goddamn boa constrictor is back again, and I struggle to push down the sudden lump rising in my throat.
Because I’m back from the island, and here, in Boston, Cal has his own life. I need to bury the memories of Cal and what wehad and what we were and try to let go of the future we might have had, if only.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Cal
It’s been three days.
I’m going to call him. I’ve decided. I pick up my phone, then immediately set it back down when Tessa walks into the living room.
“Boston is super cold,” Tessa exclaims.
“Guess so.”
“They have blizzards here,” Tessa says. “I thought that only happened onLittle House on the Prairie.”
“It’s not like I have to use rope to get into the nearest haystack or something to spend the night.”
“Well, you would be fucked if that was the case,” Tessa says. “I haven’t seen a single haystack.”
We break into hysterics. My sister snuggles next to me on the couch, and it’s awesome. I missed her a lot, and now I get to spend extra amount of time with her.
But being next to her reminds me of being next to Jason, of Jason’s warmth against my torso, the way his breathing would slow when he finally fell asleep, and yeah, that does all sorts of things to my heart.
“How are you feeling?” Tessa asks.
“Fine. Totally.”
She gives me a hard stare. “I thought you would be more overjoyed.”
“I am.” I squeeze my eyes shut.
When I open them, concerned brown eyes stare at me. I scramble for my phone. “Just checking who’s on the roster tonight.”
“Okay. If you want to talk...”
I nod distractedly and open the app.
Jason is on the list of players for tonight’s game.
