Page 39 of Georgia: Britain's Story: Part 1
She walks back out and laughs at me holding up the bag.
“My assistant, who also happens to be my best friend, had these bags made up for me as a gift,” she says, then turns around opening the closet to pull out an identical bag that says “To Be Enjoyed Alone.”
“She was trying to encourage me to ‘enjoy’ my time here. It’s just how she is.” She then hands over the other bag for me to look through. It’s a bunch of candy, a tin of gummies, and a big vibrator. I feel a wave of relief when I realize this isn’t something she had for another partner. Thank god.
I set the bags down on the dresser, “What’s her name, your best friend/assistant?”
“Jess.”
“Does Jess know about me?” I ask.
She pauses a moment before saying, “Yes.” And her cute little cheeks go pink.
“Are you blushing, Bambi?”
“Of course I am. I’m pale. I wear every emotion on my face against my will.” I laugh at her statement. It’s true.
“I need to go into the office today, but can I expect my girlfriend to be available this evening?” I ask, and her blush turns crimson. I love the way ‘girlfriend’ sounds coming out of my mouth in reference to her, even though I’d rather be calling her something else.Liam, enough, it’s been like a week.Andthe best sex of your life, but fucking chill.
“Yes, I’m available this evening,” she says softly. She can be so quiet sometimes.
“Will you have dinner with me, at my house, 6:30?”
“I’ll be there.” She smiles at me and it hits me, like a punch in the stomach and a tightening in my chest, I’m already halfway in love with her.Fuck me.
FOURTEEN
Britain
“...You’re with me…You’re mine...will my girlfriend be available…”is playing over and over in my mind as I shower this morning. Every time I replay it, it feels like my stomach drops a little. Like when you drive over a hill and it takes a moment for your body to catch up to the change in elevation. It’s a little drop, over and over, in a good way.
Last night was beyond words. I’m still on cloud nine that he fucking came when I gave him head. I’ve never been able to do that for someone before, but it quickly became my personal mission when he said he’d been close before sex.See, I am good at blow jobs, too.
I haven’t been fucked that well in, well, aLONGtime.No pun intended, I laugh to myself, turning off the water and slipping out of the shower door that’s just like the iron-framed windows at Broken Ridge.“...I’ve wanted you like this ever since I saw you in my office.”Fuck, he’s going to haunt me all day, and rightfully so, he’s my…boyfriend? I haven’t had a boyfriend in like 16 years, it feels weird to hear the word rolling around in my brain.
Jess is going to flip her shit. I mean well and truly lose her mind, and then she’s probably going to demand photos. I’m sure he has a headshot online or something. I haven’t really internet stalked him, mostly because I don’t want to pull up the MS Group website. I’m a bit scared at what I’ll find, but I can tell Jess to look, get crazy.
I get ready, giving myself a killer blow out, then choose an outfit for the day and an outfit for tonight. Today is casual, no makeup, my Spearhead sweatshirt, leggings, and Jordans. My outfit for tonight is casual, too, but hopefully just right for a night at Liam’s lake house. It’s a midi dress from Dôen. The length is perfect for the chillier nights here, and then I can go commando, which is even better. I smile to myself.
Once I’m dressed, I grab a notebook off the top of the stack and head to the deck with a cup of coffee. Liam left a couple hours ago after he worked out. I worked out after him and when I was done, his car was gone, which I was secretly relieved to see. Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to spend the whole day with him, but that’s sort of my problem, at least it has been in the past.
I go all in on a guy, I fall fast. This time I need to maintain a little bit of personal space. Keep sleeping in my own bed, continue with my plans to get through these notebooks, to scatter Georgia’s ashes, and to be home by June 6th. I flip back the cover and start reading.
December 31, 2020
Happy New Year's Eve. Remember that one year we snuck off to San Francisco to ring it in? I’ll never forget it. I know you can’t be here now, but I wish you were. Rose is coming today. Sandy was here yesterday. I’m really grateful for their support the last six months. I just can’t bring myself to tell the kids still. Their lives are full and successful. I never wanted to be anybody's burden, least of all my kids.
I went to the doctor yesterday. Sandy took me. It spread again. I’m at stage 4 now, and the prognosis isn’t good. I could try to fight it, but I think I’m done. The cure is worse than the disease, and it’s time. I know you won’t want to hear that, but my body can’t take much more of this life. We had some good times, though, some happy memories. I hope that’s what you’ll remember me by, promise me?
I drop my mug on the deck, spilling the hot coffee at my feet.She knew. She knew she had cancer and she kept it from us?I didn’t find out until the week before she died, when she went into hospice. Rose had called, said that it was quick moving, and was taking her fast. But she was all alone? Doing this all alone? The sob that retches from me is guttural. If I thought I’d never forgive myself before, I definitely won’t now.How could I do this? How could I be this selfish not to notice?
I’m bawling and gasping, trying to get control over myself. I have to know. I grab my phone and hover over Liam’s contact. I think about it, and put the phone down. That’s misplaced anger. I’m angry with myself. Even if my gut reaction was,did he know, and never tell me?That’s irrational. How was he going to tell me? He didn’t know anything about me, or how to track me down. And that wasn’t his responsibility.
Don’t blame anyone but yourself, Britain.The words on the page are blurry, but one thing catches my eye. I wipe away the tears with the back of the sweatshirt, pick up the broken mug and go get my keys.
“Hey, sugar! Whoa, baby, you okay?” She’s already moving from out behind the counter towards me. “Was it Liam? I know he’s my son, but I will gladly disown him.” Sandy greets me as I enter the cafe, looking like crap I’m sure, with puffy eyes and a splotchy, red face.
“It’s not Liam, it’s me, I did this.” I hold up the steno pad. “I think you’re right, Sandy. There really is no such thing as chance, is there?” At first she looks a little surprised, then gives me a sympathetic and knowing smile.
