Page 52 of Georgia: Britain's Story: Part 1
“Hi, so, think you can charter a flight for me out of the regional airport in town?”
“Uh, yeah. But why?”
“Because I’m an idiot and I need to leave this place.”
“Oookay, should we talk about this before you run away?”
“We can, but I don’t want to.”
“Well, start talking because I’m not chartering you a flight until you spill it.”
“Fine, I moved in with Liam after the apartment I was staying in was broken into. It was fucking euphoric for four days. Today, without going into too much detail, he admitted he wants me to have his kids and I froze up. I tried to remind him it’s only been like a week and that I live in another part of the country, but he just doubled down and said he was sure this is what he wanted. And then he just dropped me back off at his house and left. And he’s been gone six hours, and I’ve texted him and he didn’t text back. And I knew this would only lead to heartbreak eventually, so I’m just ripping the bandaid off now. There’s no point in prolonging the inevitable no matter how good or happy I felt. My life is in Virginia, not here.”
“Ookay, there's a lot to unpack there. Do you think maybe it just hurt his feelings that you aren’t feeling the same way as him and he’s taking some time to work through it before he comes back?”
“Maybe, but ultimately that doesn’t change the fact that this would never work and I’m just setting myself up for another heartbreak. Which is why I’m the idiot because I keep allowing myself to get hurt.”
She laughs at me, “Because you’ve had your heart broken, what, twice? Girl, this is life. It’s going to hurt, but if you don’t get out there, you’re going to end up just like Georgia. Alone, every day, because you’re too scared to let anyone in.”Damnit.
“What are you and Carla BFFs now that I’m not there?”
“You should just try. Don’t run away, okay? Everything is okay at home. The girls are good. I’m going to Caroline’s game next week. There’s nothing here for you but a big empty house. And me, but honestly I think you should really get some dick. I’ll always be here, but‘euphoric’doesn’t come around all that often. I mean, have you met the men that live in this area?” Now I’m laughing, and crying, because of course I am.
“Shit, well now I have to turn around and hope he still isn’t home so I can unload my car without him knowing.”
“So really, you moved in with him?”
“Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t want you to think I was crazy or being stupid.”
“I don’t think that. If anything I’m fucking impressed. I’m literally like, GET IT GIRRL. You’re straight-up hot, bad-ass bitch status right now.”
When I get back to Liam’s he’s still not here. I unload the car, and each time I come back out to get another piece of luggage, I’m convinced his car will be there. But it’s not. I get everything back upstairs and start unpacking, again. Any moment, I expect to hear him, but still nothing. I hate this feeling, this uneasy, uncomfortable feeling. It’s the complete lack of control that I hate. I hate that I like him so much that his actions dictate how I feel. Ifuckinghate it. Luckily, I can hear Carla in the back of my head preaching to me,“growth happens in the uncomfortable, Britain.”I hope she’s right.
I get ready for bed, turn off all the lights, and slide under the heavy duvet. Maybe he’ll be here when I wake up? Who am I kidding, though, I’m not falling asleep. If he comes back, I’ll still be awake. I turn over, putting my back to the door so he won’t know I’m awake when he comes in, and I wait, again.
It’s two in the morning when he finally walks into the bedroom. Still not one text or call from him the entire night. It’s taking everything in me not to roll over and yell at him. His movements sound clumsy, not stealth like he usually is. He gets into the bed, and reaches out for me. The relief that comes from that simple gesture has my stomach dropping and tears forming.
“You fucking left me, Bambi.” I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I’m sure he looked at the rental security cameras or his own doorbell camera now. I don’t say anything, just waiting.
“You cut me today, seeing you with suitcases. I thought that was the end.” He chokes on his last word.
“I came back,” I say. I don’t know what else he wants. He left me, too.
When he doesn’t say anything after a minute, I add, “You left me, too, you know.”
We just lay there in silence for minutes, when he finally speaks again. “I couldn’t come back. I’d just made the biggest idiot of myself and I wanted to give you the chance to leave if you wanted to since you don’t feel the same way as me.” My chest is aching.
“Youdidn’tmake an idiot of yourself, not anymore than I did when I packed up my suitcases just to unpack them an hour later.” I pause. “I like you a lot Liam, too much. And I’m scared because I don’t want to get hurt again and when you didn’t come back today it hurt. I felt like I was getting a glimpse at what to expect when I leave in June.”
“Bambi, I’m not going to hurt you. Is that what you think? That when it’s time for you to leave in June, that I’m just going to say goodbye and be done?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I live in Virginia. I still have joint custody of my kids and that’s where they are, so that’s where I have to be. And you have your work that’s here, and that’s where you have to be. I can’t figure out where we go from there, and I’ve thought about it. A lot.”
It’s a moment before he finally says, “Me too, and I always come to the same conclusion. I’m not giving you up.” There’s a burning low in my belly and an ache in my chest. I don’t say anything, but when he finally pulls me fully into him, I grab his hand and thread our fingers together. I nestle in tighter to him and squeeze his hand. I don’t say anything more and neither does he, but he squeezes right back and I fall straight to sleep.
When I wake up, the room is still as dark as night, but the clock reads 8:45, and Liam’s side of the bed is empty. Holy crap, Islept in,slept in. I get out of bed and head to the ensuite. Liam laid the sweatshirt I put in his closet last night back over my sink counter, making me smile. I go to put it on, but stop. I think I have something better in mind.
Liam
