Page 62 of Georgia: Britain's Story: Part 1
The second revelation hits me:Constantine.Matthias. My mom was in love with Constantine, Matthias’ dad. And his mom, Julie, is the reason for my existence. If she hadn’t told Ray about the affair, I may not have been born. I feel dirty, like the unwanted byproduct of a very fucked up incident that I am. I feel like I’m going to be sick all over again.
I’ve felt out of place my entire life, like I didn’t belong, and now I know why. I didn’tbelong. I never had a family. I wasn’t born or conceived out of love, I was born out of misfortune and pain. It all fucking makes sense now, why Georgia always kept me at arms length, why Alex never accepted me fully, why my father never wanted me. No one wanted me. I don’t know how I still have tears left, but I cry and cry with my head on the toilet for hours.
“Oh my god, Britain. Are you okay!?” Liam falls to his knees and pulls me into his chest. I don’t have any strength left to do or say otherwise. In fact, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than for him to just hold me, love me. Because he loves me. I may not have been wanted or loved in my adolescence, but I do know I can trust Liam. When he says he loves me, he means it. I cry harder into his chest as he just strokes the top of my head over and over.
“What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me, please,” he pleads with me.
“Georgia’s journal. I, uh…” I don’t know if I can say it. Saying it out loud to someone else makes it real, and the pain of that feels insurmountable right now. “I, I can’t say it. You can go look at it if you want. It’s still on the kitchen table.” He releases me, walking into the eat-in. After a few minutes he’s back, face drained of color.
“I know you can do the math, but May 30th plus 9 months would put you right around late February.” I motion with my hand towards myself, tears still falling off my face onto the hardwood floor. “I’ve wanted to know, my whole life, why things were how they were. Between me and Georgia, and Ray, and Alexander, and now that I know, I also know why they say be careful what you wish for. That you just might get it.” I wish I didn’t know.God, I wish I didn’t.
“I’m so sorry, Britain,” Liam says as he drops back down to the floor, pulling me into him again. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispers to me over and over again.
“Did you know about Constantine and Georgia? That they had an affair?” His body tenses. He doesn’t need to answer for me to know.
His response is solemn, “I did.” I just nod my head.
“You never thought to tell me, though?” I know this is a bit misplaced, but I can’t help the hurt flowing through me right now. The sting from a life plagued with omissions and lies.
“It wasn’t my place to say. If you would have asked me, I wouldn’t have lied to you, but I didn’t know if that was something Georgia or Constantine wanted to share. It was between them, but I am sorry I didn’t tell you before now.” He’s right, it wasn’t his place. I know it. I know it’s wrong of me to try to place any blame or fault on him. If Liam knows, that means Sandy knows. Rose, too, probably. Even Matthias.Matthias. I need to get up.
“Babe,” I tap his arm that’s banded around my waist, “I need to get up.” He releases me, and I head straight for the table, picking up my phone. I pull up the unknown message and ask, “Does this number sound familiar?” I read it off for him and he blanches, his stance going rigid, his expression turning, no longer soft and sympathetic. “Why?” is all he asks.
“I got a text message from this number asking me to call. It was just signed ‘M.’ I’m pretty sure it was Matthias, but I couldn’t figure out why he would need me to call.”
“That’sMatt’snumber.”Just like I thought.He says his name in such a way I’m reminded that Georgia and I were the only ones who ever called him by his full name. “Listen, babe, I need you to sit down. I have to tell you something.” He’s doing the thing he does when he’s nervous, bouncing the palm of his hand against his leg.
“Okay, I’m sure whatever it is can’t be worse than what I just found out about my conception. What’s wrong?” I’m worried. He looks horrified, and nervous. I've got the sick feeling, that old gut instinct, but there’s no way. Liam wouldn’t have cheated on me. When would he have the time? He’s been fucking me twice a day like clockwork for the last five weeks.Five weeks. My stomach drops, but our little situation is quickly interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.
“Hi, guys! It’s just me!” Carly calls out from the entry like she always does when she comes in, her polite warning.
Liam just drops his head, whispering under his breath, “Shit.”
“We’re in the kitchen!” he calls out to her.
She comes in carrying a cake box and bags of prepared food. “I cooked over at Sandy’s for you guys. She said Britain had a migraine, so I didn’t want to make a bunch of noise in the kit-” She pauses when she finally looks up, taking in what surely looks like an awkward scene. Me, puffy eyed and swollen face, my hair crazy from air drying. Liam stoic and sullen, towering over me in the chair.
I break the tension. “Hi, Carly. I’m actually feeling a lot better, but thanks for being so considerate. I’m so glad I get to see you before I have to leave,” I say with a weak smile. She returns my smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, she knows something’s up. Liam still hasn’t said anything or moved from his spot. Carly just holds up the cake box, asking him, “Do you want this in the mudroom fridge?” Liam just responds with a silent nod.What is going on?
While Carly slips out the back hallway, I turn to him and ask, “What is going on? I feel like you’re about to tell me somebody just died.” My question startles him a bit, some of the dread leaving his expression.
“I’m sorry, baby. Just a rough day at work, didn’t mean to bring it home. I’m just really worried about you, that’s all.”
“That’s what I needed to sit down for you to tell me? That you had a bad day at work?”Bullshit. Carly’s back before he can respond.
“Alright, guys, you’re all set. I’ll see you in a little bit!” She gives me a wink, heading straight for the front door. I didn’t even get to hug her goodbye. I turn to Liam in question.
“I’m supposed to take you to Colton’s tonight, as a going away thing from Rick and Sandy. That’s what I was getting ready to tell you, that we don’t have to go. Not with your migraine or with what you just found out.” I wasn’t expecting that.
“Oh, okay. Um, I don’t know. What time are we supposed to be there?”
“8:00.”
“As much as I don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone, I think a bit of distraction might help? But so would sleep…is there any way we can do it tomorrow night instead?” Liam seems to weigh this heavily.
“I’m sure we could work that out. I want you to feel better, that’s what’s important.”
“Yeah, I just need some sleep, and probably a gallon of water.” I laugh lightly, making my temples throb. “I’m going to head upstairs, okay?” He’s still standing by the kitchen table, but he’s somewhere else.
