Page 32 of Constantine: Britain's Story: Part 2
With watery eyes, he nods and says, “Okay,” then opens the door to a captive audience.
I chuckle lightly, trying to keep the mood light and not like I just lost my shit in the parking lot on my baby daddy. “No heads up, guys? What the heck?” The girls stay quiet, letting Sandy do the talking.
She makes her way around the counter, coming over to me. “We weren’t expecting you till later. Sorry, baby, but it was bound to happen eventually.” She squeezes my arm softly before leaning in for a quick hug. She whispers in my ear as she does,“It’ll all work out in the end. Don’t sweat it, sugar,” then moves away to clear a dirty table.
The girls are busy talking to their dad, so Jess moves up beside me. “Are you okay?” She says it quietly.
“Yes. No. I think I’m still in shock. Talking with Damian helped, actually. I just still don’t really understand. Liam told me he left to give me a chance to be with Matthias. But…I’m not really sure what to make of that just yet.”
“Hmm,” is all Jess says in response, then a moment later, “Do you believe him?”
“I don’t know,” which is 100% the truth. I don’t trust him, but it does make things make sense, maybe…sort of. Ultimately, though, does it make things better?No.“Does it even matter if I do or not?”
“Word.” The way Jess says it gives me pause. There’s a knowing in her tone. She knows what this is like.
“Okay, seriously, is everything okay between you and Tommy?” She shrugs, repositioning Eden onto her other hip.
“Yeah, we’ll be fine.” I eye her suspiciously.‘We'll be,’not ‘we are.’
“Alright, I’ve got an iced, almond milk, vanilla latte courtesy of the best baristas in Spearhead.” Damian announces, handing me over my cup of ambrosia.
“Oh my god, thank you, Damian,” I say before calling over his shoulder, “Thank you, girls!” And they smile back at me.
Damian’s advice echoes in my mind. Jumping right into things with Matthias might not matterto mein the long run, but what kind of example am I setting for the girls? That they always need a man in their life? That they can’t stand alone? That’s some patriarchal bullshit.HoweverI do want the girls to be able to make decisions about who’s in their life based on whether that person is good for them, not from some deep-seated trauma their mom pushed on them in their formidable years.
Before I let my mind wander fully into that battle, though, Sandy circles back, joining Damian, Jess, and myself. I assume introductions were made after I ducked out, but just in case, I try my best to do the polite thing. “Sandy, this is Jess, and her daughter, Eden. And then this is Damian, the girls’ dad.”
Sandy beams at Jess, “Oh yes, we’ve met already, haven’t weee?” She says to Eden in a soothing baby voice.Born to be a grandma, truly.“And, Damian.” Her tone dries up, “Yes, we’ve met.”I love Sandy.A small giggle breaks free from my mouth.
“Well, what time do the girls get off their shift? I can take Damian and Jess down to see the lake if it’ll be awhile still.”
“Oh no, they’re good to go. Girls!” Sandy calls out to them, “You’re free! Go pack up and say bye to Grandpa.” They just nod and head back behind the curtained walkway.
“Thanks again for having them, Sandy. I really appreciate it.”
“They’re a delight to have around, baby. And Jess, honey, if you want a sitter so you and Britain can get out, I’m happy to take the babycakes. I gotta practice for the new little one!” She gestures down to my belly.
“I might have to take you up on that, Sandy,” Jess says with a smile. The girls come out from the back with backpacks slung over their shoulders. They each give Sandy a kiss on the cheek, then turn toward us to leave.
“We’re ready,” Elodie says, walking straight into her dad’s waiting arms.
As we walk to the car, Caroline finds me at the back of the pack. “Are you okay, Mom?” She asks in the same quiet voice we share. My initial reaction is to say yes, to tell her I’m completely fine, but I’m not. She knows I’m not probably more than anyone. She’s seen the tears and the sleepless nights, and while I wish she hadn’t, it’s okay that she did. Because that’s life. Everything doesn’t always come up roses. It’s hard, but eventually it will get better. That’s what I have to show her.
I pull Caroline into my side and say, “Not really, babe, but soon I will be because I’ve got the best daughters and the best friends in the whole world.” She leans slightly into my side as we make our way to the car, and I think I need to start believing that. I just ran into the one person who has the power to bring my whole world crashing down, and I survived it.
“Oh my god, Mom, you were so loud,” Elodie says to me as we all pile in through the front door.
“No, I was not!” I say indignantly.
“Girl! Yes, you were,” Jess inserts herself.
“Mom, I love you, but you sounded like a cat choking on a furball literally the entire car ride home,” Caroline interjects with exquisite timing.
I just laugh, “God, that sounds awful. Next time, please wake me up.” The last thing I need is to be some viral video the girls post to TikTok. I can see the caption now, “Old woman sounds like dying cat while she sleeps.”
Once we’ve all made it inside, Jess excuses herself to put Eden down for a nap. The girls tromp off to their rooms to drop backpacks and Damian is still outside on a work call, giving me the opportunity I need.
I’m glad I fell asleep on the way home. Otherwise I would have spent the entire time obsessing over what I’m about to do. As I walk up the stairs, my stomach twists and turns with each step. My hands are already sweating and my heartbeat picks up.There’s probably nothing,I say to myself in preparation for what I assume is the worst.
