Page 42 of Constantine: Britain's Story: Part 2
“You know, I actually need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” Without waiting for a response or an offer to accompany me, I drop the fork and move briskly through the tent towards the indoor bathrooms inside the church. There’s porta-potties that are a lot closer, but I need a cool, well-ventilated space right now or I might start hyperventilating.
Once I get to the bathroom, I go to the very last stall and shut the door, shakily sliding the lock in place. Attempting to stifle my cries, I cover my mouth and fight against the urge to sob. Unraveling toilet paper, I try my best to catch the tears before they fall in a weak attempt to save my makeup, but I’m failing.
I don’t know what feels worse: The look he gave me? Or the look Gina gave him? I thought he was probably already moving on. I knew that. And I am here with Matthias who has gone out of his way to make sure that everyone here knows we’re together. I have even kissed Matthias multiple times tonight. I have absolutely no right to feel jealous.None, you need to stop.
But I can’t help it. My chest is tight, and the smell of the old bathroom, nauseating. I have to get out of here. Pushing out of the bathroom door, I head to the back exit of the church — the opposite direction of the festival. It leads me to a side alley that’s dark and quiet, but still close enough I can hear the crowds and music filter over the building. I stand with my back pressed against the cool stone wall of the church and I let the tears fall.
I haven’t been out here ten seconds when the back door of the church flies open with such force, the door slams against the stone wall with a loud crack, startling me. I gasp in surprise as Liam steps out into the alley, looking frantic. I quickly inhale sharply, then freeze, like if I don’t move, he won’t notice me. Which is idiotic; it would be physically impossible unless he was blind. When his eyes land on me, he relaxes slightly.
It only takes two steps before he’s right in front of me. “Are you okay?” he asks. I just shake my head, slowly at first, not sure I’ll be able to find words without them coming out like a croak.
I swallow in an attempt to coat my bone-dry throat and ask, “Are you?”
“I will be, if you are.” Not exactly an answer to the question I asked, but maybe he doesn’t want to share that with me. He’s doing the thing he does when he’s nervous, though, bouncing the palm of his hand against his leg. My stomach sinks the slightest when he speaks again. “I was worried when I saw you take off for the bathroom. I thought…I hoped…nothing had happened…with the baby, you know?” The painful lump in my throat grows.Right, that’s all this was. Just checking to make surethe babyis okay.
“Oh. No, in that regard, everything is fine. Sorry to worry you.” I look down in embarrassment. I thought he wanted to know ifIwas okay.Stupid, Britain. So stupid.I have to remember that’s not what Liam is about. No matter what hesays, his actions say otherwise. It’sI love you, but then he leaves.You’re the only one for me, but then Gina acts as if he’s her man. It’s confusing, and I’m the fool. Again.
He doesn’t make any moves to go, so without looking up, I offer, “Everything’s fine. I’ll make my way back out in a couple minutes.” He still doesn’t turn to leave, instead, he takes one step closer. The nearness forces me to look up and into the blueeyes that give new meaning to devastatingly handsome. They absolutely destroy me.
“Bambi,” he says softly, then moves to wipe the fresh tears off my face, running both thumbs across my cheeks in opposite directions. The touch sends warmth flooding through my body.
“You don’t have to do this, Liam. I’m not your problem anymore.” My voice comes out in a pitiful tremble.
“Did you read the letter?” I blink a few times, completely confused. “I put it in the black suitcase for you. I understand if you don’t want to…”
“I didn’t unpack the suitcases.”Why the fuck would Jess keep that from me?He just nods. His left eye is slightly swollen, but terribly discolored. Without thinking, I reach up and brush my thumb gently over the bruised area.Shit, I shouldn’t have done that.I’ve forgotten my place.
“I’m sorry,” I say, breaking eye contact.
“Sorry for the black eye? Or for touching me?” I feel him move in closer, his body heat transferring to mine.
“Both,” I say, keeping my gaze cast downwards.
“Baby, don’t be sorry.” He lets out a low and ironic laugh, “If it took me getting mauled by your brother for you to touch me again, I’d let him punch me a million more times.” My heart starts to beat faster and I look up. He gives me a gentle smile and before I know it, we’re reaching for each other at the exact same time. It’s instinctual, no thinking required. He pulls my head into his chest under his chin and wraps me up, just like he did my first night in Spearhead.
“I miss you so much, Britain.” He says over me softly, stroking my hair before placing a kiss at the top of my head.
I miss you, too. I say it inwardly, unable to reveal my weakness to him.
“Your tears will always be my problem, Britain.” His deep voice settles me like nothing else can. I inhale and exhale,relishing the ability to take full, slow breaths.Where do we go from here, though?
“Wherever you want, baby,” he says as he continues to stroke me gently, his hands passing further down my body to my hips.Shit, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.
“What about Gina?”Jesus, Britain, have a little self respect will ya.
He tenses then leans back and says, “There is nothing with Gina. The only place I want to be is next to you.” My cheeks burn, my pelvis starts to heat, and I have to school myself, harshly, to not go up on my tiptoes to kiss him.
“And what about Matthias? He just told everyone here that we’re together.” I feel guilt and shame start to burrow their way into my mind.
“Are you not?” Liam asks seriously.
“No!” I say in frustration. “We’re not, but he thinks we are, and he’s literally told anyone who would listen that we are. I mean, wehavebeen seeing each other, but I literally just told him three days ago that I wasn’t ready for more, or a label, but he just completely disregarded it, and has been acting like I’mhis.”
Liam grimaces before replying, “So you lied to me when you said you were with someone else?” I drop my chin to my chest, feeling ashamed.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I just wanted to hurt you. It was wrong, but also I have been seeing Matthias romantically, so it wasn’t a complete lie.” I start to feel sick with guilt. Here I am, in Liam’s arms in the alley, while Matthias is probably out there looking for me, without a clue that I’m moments away from falling on my ex’s mouth. I push out of the embrace. What is it about Liam that makes me forget so quickly?
“Liam, I can’t do this.” He visibly deflates. “It’s not right, whether I’m actually with Matthias or not. He’s been there for me. He’s shown up when no one else did. He doesn’t deservethis,” I motion with my hand between the two of us. I’m also not convinced I can ever forgive Liam.Or trust him either.
