Page 54 of Constantine: Britain's Story: Part 2
“You’re out of your mind if you think that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be with you. I fucking chose you, and all I needed was for you to support my decisions. But the very first thing I ask of you, you put your feelings, wants, and needs before mine and this baby’s. Of which you have every right to do, but that’s not the type of partnership that’s going to work for me. I can’t be with someone who steamrolls me or wants me to ask permission. I’m not that meek girl anymore.”
“You were never meek, Britain. You’re the strongest woman I know.”That can’t be possible.“Please, give me another chance. I love you so fucking much,” he laughs ironically, “so much I hate the thought of sharing you with anyone. And yeah, that includes your kids, but I’m learning, okay? Let me learn how to love you again, the way you need to be loved now, please?” My own words come back to haunt me,you screw up and you're fired? No, you screw up and you get better.
“Britain, I know you didn’t say it, but I know you love me, too. I know it. I felt it, 17 years, and that never went away. That means something. That doesn’t happen for no reason. And yes, we’ve both changed and our lives are different, but that’s going to make it that much sweeter when we figure this out. And we will. Because I was telling the truth when I said I’d do anything to make this work. I’ll do anything, including supporting your decision to include Liam in your child’s life. I know I’m going to have to give, okay? I know. It’s just hard for me…I’m not used to it.” I’m not ready to blindly say yes to him, but there’s a nagging part of me that knows I’m not ready to fully relinquish this either.
“Can I think about it? I do appreciate you coming around to being okay with Liam being there, but I don’t want it to have to be so hard, Mats,” I plead with him.
“I know, babe, I’m sorry. I don’t want to make any part of your life harder. I promise.”
“I’m going to think on it, and maybe let’s meet for coffee in a couple days.” Hopefully a cool-down period, a session with Carla, and a deep chat with Jess, will help bring some clarity.
“Okay, I’ll see you on…Wednesday? Is that okay?” he asks.
I nod silently. “Yeah, Wednesday.”
“Okay, and Brit, I’m so sorry. I just hate thinking about you-” he stops himself. “It doesn’t matter. I love you. I’m going to keep choosing you and keep showing up. I promise I will get better.”
I don’t have much to say to that. Talk is cheap. “I’ll see you then, and Matthias?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for having Silas make that house call. I really appreciate it.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he responds, sending the hairs on the back of my neck rising.
“You didn’t call Silas to come check on me when I was sick?”
“No?” It comes out like a question.
“Oh, weird. Um, maybe Jess or Damian reached out. I just assumed it was you because I had texted you about being sick.”
“I should have thought about that. I guess I didn’t realize how sick you were, I’m sorry. Just another way I failed, huh?”
“Stop. We’re not going down that path.” I can hear Jess yelling at me to get my ass downstairs. “Listen, I have to go. I will see you later this week.”
He replies, remorsefully, “Okay, I love you. Bye.” I can’t say it back, though.
“Yep, bye,” is all I get out in return. I look down at the sweatshirt I shucked off before showering.Hissweatshirt. I already know, but I check anyway.
Opening the app on my phone, I check the doorbell camera from Saturday night and there he is. It wasn’t my imagination. Liam walks towards my front door carrying my bags of cookies and olive oil, then falls to his knees when he sees me curledup on the bench.Fuck.I think about the other night and my deliriousness. About how even in my illness-induced coma, how fucking euphoric it felt, him holding me.Goddamn it, Liam. Leave me alone.
I get up from the bed and yell down to Jess, “I’ll be down in like ten minutes, okay? Gotta do something.” I hear her yell back an affirming sound, so I move on shaky legs to my closet. I hate being so fucking indecisive!No decision is a decision, though, and inaction is still an action.I recall Carla walking me through this. I need to know. It’s time.
Opening the drawer feels cinematic, like time slows and the paper calls my name. I hold it in the palm of my hand, then slide to the floor, knowing I don’t want to be standing for whatever this holds for me. I just want to put this part of my life to rest, and this last piece of the puzzle is it. At least I hope it is.
I flip open the letter.Dear Britain…
NINETEEN
Liam
I’ve been standing outside Matt’s office for nearly ten minutes, fuming, my arms crossed in front of my chest, waiting. I’m itching to say something, but I wait until the call is over to enter. When I do, I don’t knock.Fuck thatandfuck him. He sees me enter and it’s like a standoff. Who’ll make the first move?Me.
“Don’t you ever raise your voice at the mother of my child. EVER. AGAIN.Or I will fucking bury you.” He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me coldly, making me laugh a sadistic laugh. “And that’s if you’re lucky and Alex doesn’t get to you first.” I turn on my heel to leave the office, unsurprised to see Max and Niko standing in the doorway, ready. I nod at each of them and they part to allow me through. Matt doesn’t respond until I’m almost in the hall.
“Fuck you, Liam. You don’t even deserve to be the father of her child. You might be in their DNA, but I’m the one they’ll be callingdaddy.”Red. All I see is red.
It only takes two long strides till I’m in front of him, my fist finding his face easily. The crack is audible throughout the office,followed by gasps from people in their cubicles. But I give zero fucks. I think about the Greek Fest and the way he had his hands all over her the whole time. How he wouldn’t stop touching her stomach.Mine. He did it because he knew I was there. He wanted to mark his territory. He doesn’t even have a clue; she’s never been his.
