Page 72 of The Mob: Shio Cuppacio
She’d begun icing the cake since it had cooled down. With her eyes on the glass platter that housed the cake in front of her, I watched as she spread the white butter cream evenly across the top layer.
“I started havin’ children young. I don’t know why, but I did. I guess it was out of boredom or curiosity. Either way, when I started, I didn’t stop. Every man dat blinked at me, I was spreadin’ my legs. Nine months later, I was poppin’ out a baby for him just for him to pop outta the way.” She shook her head, black curls bouncing.
“I have six children, Glow, and all six of dem have different fathers. I used to be so ashamed. Then, when the fathers didn’t want anything to do with dem, I zoned out. Workin’ and havin’ six mouths to feed, six personalities to deal with, and a smalltwo-bedroom house to raise them in… Girl, it nearly drove me crazy. Itdiddrive me crazy.”
Mama Payne dipped the spatula back into the Betty Crocker container, scraped it, and continued icing the cake.
“My boys take good care of me. They had this house, the one I raised them in, torn down and rebuilt. They even bought many of the homes on the block, doin’ the same thing. They make sure I have everything I need and some, but I know they resent me for how things happened.”
My eyes felt like sand had been poured into them, and I needed eyedrops to lubricate them again. I didn’t know what type of conversation Tunan’s mother and I would have when I realized I was meeting her today, but this one wasn’t it. I didn’t know we were going heavy with our first chat, and while I wasn’t uncomfortable, I wasn’t sure how much to say regarding Tunan and me. I expected her to ask about my intentions regarding her son, and I knew I couldn’t say I was thinking about marrying him just to be included more in my friend group. Thinking it alone sounded extremely immature, and I scolded myself because no mother wanted to hear that her son was being used. Although Tunan was the one who offered the marriage to me, I knew our reasons for possibly getting married were not solid. I flipped the greens over in the pan, moved on to the next pan that was cabbage, and waited for her to continue.
“My daughter… I owe her everything, and I still don’t know how to repay her. She gave up her life, her youth, to raise her brothers. She sacrificed more than I ever have. They have been tryna move me out of the hood, and each time, I give dem an excuse. I don’t deserve their gratitude. I was a horrible mother. I let my daughter raise kids dat I laid on my back and made, and I have to live with dat forever.” She put the spatula down and faced me.
“I’m not the kind of mother who hands out demands and expectations when it comes to my children. Tulscan got it right with Kassie. Tuscany got it right with Baguette. The others, I don’t really know what to say ’bout dem, but I'm praying for ’em. Tunan, though… he thought he had it right with his last woman. I met her once and didn’t say more than hello ’cause I knew. I wanted to tell him she wasn’t right, but I felt I didn’t have the right. I hadn't even raised him. I let men change me, Glow. I fell for one man after another, thinkin’ a baby would be the reason dey ran off into the sunset with me. But when the baby arrived, they left, and in a way… I detached myself from the baby too.
“I like you. But I’m gonna tell you sum’n I wish a woman had told me… Don’t let him have his way with you. Sexually, mentally, and emotionally. Don’t let him have his way unless he sees a real future with you.
“Some people come into our lives for reasons and seasons. Don’t let dat man do anything permanent to you if he’s not prioritizin’ you. You’re too young and pretty to let a man use you up and toss you aside. You ain’t got no kids… keep it dat way until he proves to you he can be the man you need. We got to stop lettin’ these niggas ‘baby mama’ us while we stuck with the babies and dey ’round here living their lives to the fullest. I love my sons, but I’m a woman first. The first time you spot bullshit, block his ass and run for the hills. You hear me?”
I had never had a woman put me up on game when it came to boys. The only thing my mother told us was to go to her when we needed birth control, not to let a man put their hands on us, and to keep them out of her house. I knew Mama Payne’s words came from not only experience but from wisdom. The error of her ways and pain were the driving force of how she operated with her kids, and now me.
“I’m here to tell you what I’m sure you already know. You made a life for yourself—a damn good one. You’re the firstwoman he’s been with dat has her own. That much I can guarantee you. Make sure he meets you whereyouare. If he can’t give you something you can’t give yourself, leave his ass at his sister’s house. Ain’t no nigga, no handsome face, or no dick worth your mental.”
Nodding, I picked the spoon back up. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Am I hurting you?”
Using the pointed end of the rat tail comb on the braid, I shook my head. As soon as we uncovered all of the foil, Mama Payne remembered she hadn’t made her spaghetti, so I was forced out of the kitchen. I ran into Kassie and mentioned I was ready to take my braids down. Next thing I knew, she, Tuscany, and I were on the porch taking my braids out. The only reason I agreed to porch sitting was because the sun had begun to go down. If it had still been blazing, we would have stayed inside.
“All this hair you got, I know the Africans charge you extra,” Tuscany said as she slid the weave out of my head and dumped the crinkled piece into the plastic Walmart bag sitting in my lap.
“Nope. They did it for free in exchange for a promo. Oh, and it wasn’t an African salon. They’re Black owned.”
“Ohhh! I wouldn’t know how to act. How do you not get overwhelmed with all the free shit that is offered?” Kassie asked.
She and Tulscan’s one-year-old son were in the middle of the yard pushing a toy, while Tuscany’s son played with blocks at the far end of the porch. The kids could go for siblings instead of cousins, rocking that signature Payne look everyone seemed to have. I hadn’t even known Tulscan and Kassie had a kid because they were empty-handed when they came in, so I didn’t meet him until I was ushered outside with the ladies. One of his uncleshad grabbed him on their way in, and the poor baby had been outside ever since, playing in the grass like he wasn’t dressed in Kith. Seeing the kids made me miss my Godson, Ezio Jr. I couldn’t wait to steal some snuggles from him the next time I saw him.
“It gets overwhelming sometimes, but it comes in handy.”
“So you just gonna walk ’round nappy-headed?”
I was so focused on getting the braids out that I hadn’t noticed Tunan walking up. He looked just as good as he did an hour ago. With everyone constantly shouting his name and the large bulge in his pockets, I could tell that the dice game, which was now winding down, had been a successful one for him.
“Ain’t nothing nappy about her hair. Fall back,” Tuscany noted.
“Umm-hmm,” I added while looking up at Tunan as I worked on the right front side of my hair.
We’d already cut the braids as far as they could be cut without snipping my real hair, and Tuscany was doing the back left while Kassie handled the back right. Tunan tugged on the braids on the left side like he’d done earlier, but this time, he kept it in his hands and started unbraiding the hair.
Turning my head, I peered at him with squinted eyes.“Really, Tunan?”
Licking his lips, he stood gape-legged while unraveling the braid. “I’m the best at this braid removal shit. You know how many times Tuscany had us taking hers out? I was a fuckin’ pro before I hit puberty.”
I sat stunned as he backed up his statement. He had just walked up and already taken the braid down while I was still working on the same one for five minutes, and I had a comb to help. He dropped the weave in the bag on my lap, ran his fingers through the freed piece of hair, and scratched the dirt from my scalp.
“Yeah, you was the coldest, no lie.” I could hear the smile behind Tuscany’s words.
“Who was the coldest? I know you not talkin’ ’bout dis nigga?” Tulen had his red hat cocked to the back as he jogged up the steps with a snarl on his face.
