Page 99 of The Mob: Shio Cuppacio
“Good morning,” the nurse, who was introduced as the pediatric nurse, made her way inside but the dark-skinned beauty wasn’t alone. My chest tightened as she pushed in a transparent hospital bassinet.
When the nurse saw my body tense, she stopped. “If you’re not ready, I can take the baby back to the nursery to chill with me. I don’t mind…”
She smiled warmly at me. She looked to be no older than my sister, and although she was at work, her bundles were flowing down her back gracefully, and her makeup was done flawlessly. The pink scrub set she was wearing featured bows all over the top
“Um, no. It’s… It’s okay.”
She checked my face for reassurance before continuing to push the bassinet in. Once the enclosure was to the right of the bed, my face tightened.
“Baby ate an hour ago, has been changed, and is doingsogood with sleeping.”
Keeping my eyes on the nurse, I licked my chapped lips. My sister had dropped off a bag full of everything I needed around midnight, including nursing pads, a nursing bra, and gowns. I took a shower as soon as she left, where I wept loudly. Glow had been my everything since I was a child; she was the best big sister I could ask for and hadn’t even looked my way when she came in. That hurt. She dropped my bags off, set my food on the tray, and left as soon as she came.Just thinking about it had me emotional. Blinking away the tears, I focused on the embarrassing question I needed to ask the nurse.
“Can you come back later, or have someone come later to show me how to feed and change? Maybe even have the lactation specialist come… I know breast milk is the best milk. I want to try, it’s just that I don’t… I’m a college student, and I know breastfed babies are more attached to their mother and”
“Hey…” The nurse placed her hand on my shoulder, and the weight allowed me to take a breath. “I’ll show you everything you need to know,” she said. “And you’re right, breast milk is nutrient-packed for your baby, but formula-feeding is fine too. Because you want to try, we can start with breastfeeding. I can help baby latch, then I’ll show you how to use a pump tomorrow before you leave. You can pump milk and allow your family to feed the baby while you rest.”
She must’ve felt me tense at the mention of family because she paused, then sighed. “Listen, I know this is a lot, but you’ve got this. From what I saw, you have a support system. Your family will come around. They are just shocked.”
A scoff left my mouth quicker than I could stop it, making the nurse giggle.
“Trust me… I’ve seen people fight in these rooms and leave the next day as if nothing had happened the day before. Andthat’s with people getting the full ten months to process a baby coming. That’s technically a year. Your family got none of that you got none of that too, boo.. It’s been barely a day since you gave birth. Everyone is dealing with their emotions, and they are allowed that, but I know they love you. Your sister bringing you all those things…” She tossed her head at the duffel bags in the corner. “And your mother calling the nursery every hour on the hour lets me know you’ll be just fine.”
I lit up at that revelation. I thought my mom had gone back home and was crying just as I had been. She’d always talked about becoming a grandmother, but I knew she didn’t expect me to give her one for at least another fifteen years.
“Let your people process. You can’t dwell on it. You just gave birth to a healthy baby. You did it. It may not seem like it now, but this will be the best thing that ever happened to you.” The nurse looked behind her before taking a seat at the foot of my bed and continuing, “I had my son when I was sixteen. My mama didn’t give adamnabout my six-month belly; she beat my ass all through the bathroom after busting in and finding me getting out of the shower.”
She laughed, but I was sitting in shock.
“Girl, I deserved it. I’d been screwing in her house anytime she was at work, like I was the one paying the bills. But it worked out. My mother turned into a full-on award-winning grandma, barely letting me change a damn diaper. I went on to finish high school, graduating in the top thirty of my class, and went to college, making the dean's list three times. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I did it because I wanted to show my baby that he wasn’t a burden; he was motivation. ”
She grabbed my hand in hers. “I say all this to say that I know a girl who will still go on to do great things when I see one. You’re going to be fine, Calista. And your family? They're going to be so smitten with this baby that it will make you sick.”
My laughter erupted through the tears that fell.
“What are you in school for?”
With a baby at my side, I was almost too embarrassed to tell her. “Pre-med. I’m on a full scholarship. Well… was on one.”
“Pre-med. Wow. You look like a doctor.” She grinned, causing me to smile too. “And you’re going tokeepyour scholarship. Study hard and use this baby as motivation. I’m rooting for you, black girl. We need more representation out here. You’ve got this, okay? You’ve given birth to one of the most beautiful babies, and I seea lotof babies. You were destined to do beautiful things. A baby does not end your life.” She stood. “It gives it more purpose.”
Giving my hand one more squeeze, she looked at the bassinet again. “I have to go now. My colleagues are already saying I’ve been playingfavorites.”
“Thank you so much. I really needed to hear all of that.”
She smiled and made her exit.
Using the back of my hand that hadn’t been poked and prodded, I dried my tears. The baby was here now, and there wasn’t much I could do besides try my best. I just didn’t like not knowing what was next; I liked plans. I didn’t know what I would do in terms of childcare, merging our schedules, or handling doctors’ appointments. I didn’t even know how to strap a baby into the car seat. I was probably the most unqualified person to have a child, even at nineteen years old.
Soft grunts interrupted my daydreaming. Heat rushed to my neck, my stomach turned over, and my breathing grew laborious. Still, I looked over into the bassinet. A blue and pink striped hat covered a head that looked as if it could fit in the palm of my hand. The baby’s little button nose was red, and pink lips pursed. Not wanting the baby to cry, I reached inside the bassinet, letting my instincts guide my actions.The baby was lightnot feather light, not baby-doll light, but light. This hadbeen my first time holding my own child. My first time even looking the baby in the face, and when I thought I’d feel nothing but disappointment, my heart burst.
Pushing the hat back, silky curls framed the baby's smooth skin like vanilla ice cream. Running my finger across the forehead, the baby’s lips turned up in a nearly smile-like way. I wanted to inspect all fingers and toes, but I knew had no idea how to wrap the baby back like the nurse had. I knew being swaddled brought new babies comfort, which was maybe one of five things I knew.
Vbbb vbbb vbbb
My phone was vibrating on the bedside table to my left. A white Styrofoam cup and a pink pitcher of ice water sat beside it. I should’ve been drinking more because the nurse last night said between the delivery and my milk coming in, I’d get dehydrated if I didn’t keep my water intake higher than normal. I had made a mental note to make a list on my phone of topics to research so that I and this baby would be okay once we left the comfort of twenty-four seven care.
I picked my phone up while carefully placing the baby in between my legs. Shifting my gaze, I unlocked the phone while the baby continued to make cute noises.
