Page 63 of Salvage Him
He held up his end of our little partnership. He said if I ever needed a release, he would be there for me, no sex, but a body needs what a bodyneeds.
I smiled, remembering his theory about BDSM not having to be about sex. Was he rethinking his theory this morning? I wanted to call him and ask him. I wanted to hear his voice; I wanted to tell him he did nothing wrong; he did everythingright.
I couldn't. The way I left him, I knew this morning he would blame himself. My words would not take away theguilt.
I was surprised I didn't feelthesame.
My marriagewasover.
I knew that now. Paul helped me retrieve parts of me, but he couldn't make mewhole.
It was never about the money or the travel for me. It wasn't about being married. Paul offered me a way out of a situation, and our marriage was a four-yearthankyou.
Being with Harrison last night made me realize how much being a sub was part of my DNA. I enjoyed wearing clothes to please someone else. I enjoyed giving up control of my body, to free my mind. I missed that moment right before going into subspace when you questioned everything, and then you let go, and you get all the answers you could ever wantandneed.
I knew what Iwantednow.
Even if it wasn't with Harrison, I knew my life would not be complete until I returned to the type of person I was. Being with Harrison while married to Paul was disrespectful and unfairtothem.
Denying my true nature was disrespectful, unfair, and inexcusabletome.
I wasn't going to do that to myselfanymore.
I packed a few things and booked a ticket online for the first flight toNewYork.
I had some unfinished business to takecareof.
I didn't want to waste another minute not living the life I was meanttohave.
