Page 22 of Snow Good to Lose
“You made decisions about our life,” she turned toward me, “without me. I am spiraling here.”
“I am too.”
“Yeah, but you at least have the big picture, I’m left with putting it together one pixel at a time and it’s messing with my mind.” She sighed.
“Tell you what, exactly. What part of this did you need to know about beforehand? I know you, Amari. You would have obsessed over every detail.” I shifted in her direction. “I didn’t keep it from you. It just didn’t require your input.”
She stood up and headed up the steps.
I stood. My head banged into the ceiling.
“Fuck.” I grabbed my head and sat back down.
Amari stopped her escape and turned toward me.She smirked.
“My pain amuses you?”
“Always has.” She walked back into the cabin and knelt next to me. She removed my hand and ran her finger over the lump forming. “No blood. You’ll live.” She stood up and walked over to the sink.
She turned on the faucet, but nothing happened. Condensation had filled up on the small window behind the sink. She wiped it off and wiped her hand on her sweatshirt.
She turned around and rested her hands on the counter.
“You’ve put your trust into this guy I’ve never heard you even mention. He knew the plan.Back at the resort, Manny allowed you to leave the truck in the parking garage, away from any camera sight line.” She bit her lip. “He knew the plan, too.” Her brain worked overtime. “Someone had to have put you in touch with Carlos. I’m sure he’s been through a few cellphones since you met back in the day.”
“You feelin' left out, princess?” I groaned inwardly. She hated when I called her princess in that tone, but right now she was acting like a spoiled brat.
“You are such a fucking asshole.” She turned back toward the sink and opened one of the drawers, no doubt looking for something to throw at me.
“Amari.” I stood up but thought better of it and sat back down. I reached for her and pulled her back into my lap. She tried to stand up.
“Amari, I did not want you to have to live day to day thinking about this shit.” I pulled my arm across her chest. The other arm wrapped firmly around her waist. It took seconds for our hearts to beat at the same speed.
She fought against me. I held her tight. I needed her near me.
She sniffled and her body shook.
“You didn’t trust me.” She sobbed. I held her as she cried.
“No, babe,” I whispered in her ear. “I didn’t want you to worry about it. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, what you deserve, but I could take this burden off of you. And at least for a year you felt freedom.” I kissed her neck. She melted into me.
“Freedom.” She wiped her face on her shirt and turned around on my lap. “You really think this last year I felt free, especially knowing how trapped you felt.”
I opened my mouth, but she interrupted.
“Trapped in the constant mind fuck of having to keep us safe. You don’t think I noticed the way you scan your surroundings constantly looking for danger. The cameras and the alarms. The tracking device on my phone. And now all of this. You were obsessed. You don’t think that affected me.” She placed her hand on my face.
My chest tightened.
“You can’t protect me from things that burden you.” She placed her hand on my chest. “I feel you, Caden. All of you.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed herself up against me. She was right. I felt her, too. I knew her emotions with one touch. It was the same for her. How could I be so stupid?
“Let me in, Caden,” she whispered. “You can’t do it all by yourself.”
I understood what she was saying, and somewhere in my brain, the logical was evident, but right now this wasn’t what we needed to focus on.
She leaned back and stared into my eyes, waiting for me to respond. But I had nothing to say. It wasn't that I didn’t trust her. I didn’t want to quash her hope. We were careening through life without a safety net. No endgame in sight. One big, fat unknown after another.
I buried my face into her neck.
She was just going to have to trust me for a little while longer.
