Page 45 of Finding Jack
“Such a what? Control freak?”
“You said it.”
“That’s not true.” Except it totally was.
Ranée didn’t even bother to call me on it. “Either quit talking to him or start talking about what this thing is.”
“I don’t get this,” I said. “You’re the most commitment-phobic person I know. Why are you pushing me toward this when you can’t stand relationships either?”
“I’m honest about it. I don’t think you know you’re a commitment-phobe too, but you’re as bad as I am.”
“That’s not fair. We’ve been roommates for what, three years? And I’ve had two boyfriends to your zero.”
“I’m straight with every guy I go out with. They know I’m just there for the party. You, however, honestly think you’re open to relationships. It’s what makes you dangerous.”
Ranée was always a direct talker. It was one of my favorite things about her, but this conversation was not my favorite thing right now. But she wasn’t done.
“You pick guys you know you can’t fall for, and then—surprise—you don’t.”
“I know the type of girl you’re talking about. I had friends like that in college, but those girls picked guys who were in relationships and were happy as the side chick because they got all of the perks with none of the work, or they got involved with professors, or dudes in their last year of law school who were going to be gone by the end of the semester so they could break it off. This Jack thing is the first time I’ve ever gotten involved with someone who I legitimately don’t see a future with.”
“Ah ha! You said you’re involved.”
“Oh for—look, haven’t you ever heard of the analogy of the farmer’s breakfast? He had bacon and eggs. The chicken was involved. The pig was committed.”
She wanted to laugh. I could tell. But she wanted to win the argument more. “The whole reason I pushed you to talk to Jack is because he’s exactly the kind of guy you need. He doesn’t take himself seriously, and he doesn’t let you take yourself too seriously either, does he?”
“I don’t take myself too seriously.”
She smacked her palm on the table. “Not with me. But you never let guys see this side of you. You show them perfectly behaved Emily, highly successful Emily, and you never let them see that you are hands down the most ridiculous person I know.” I frowned, and she snorted. “Don’t even try to act offended. Your ridiculousness is my favorite thing about you. But that’s exactly why you never let that side out for these guys. Because then it gives you a point in the relationship where you can say that he doesn’t fully understand you, that you guys aren’t clicking at some level, and then suddenly Paul’s sitting on the curb.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “Paul again?”
“Whoever. You know you do this,” she said. “And it’s exactly why you’ve let your real self out with Jack. Because you’re counting on the distance to keep you safe, and that’s not fair.”
Irritation flickered through my chest and my palms started to tingle. It was a warning sign that the adrenaline of a temper tantrum wasn’t far behind. “Why do you even care about my relationship dysfunction? I’m not hurting anyone. Let’s talk about you and why every guy is a party and none of them ever gets a third date.”
“Because I’m a total disaster. Disillusioned with men, heartbroken by a toxic relationship when I was too young, the whole bit. I’m not a mystery.”
I took a calming breath. She wasn’t trying to hurt me, even though it felt like I should be hunkering down in a foxhole right that second. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
She shrugged. “You shouldn’t talk to me about it. But you definitely should talk to Jack and make sure he knows that whatever this is now, that’s all it’s ever going to be.”
She was repeating my words, but it gave me a hollow pang inside to hear her say it.
“I’ll say something to him the next time we talk.”
“When is that going to be?”
“I don’t know. We didn’t make any plans or anything.”
She got a knowing look on her face. “He will.Youwill. I saw your face last night while you were counting down the minutes until he called, and it said something very different than what your mouth is telling me right now.” She jumped up and gave me a drive-by hug before she pulled a U-turn and sped for the door. “Gotta muck some stalls!”
And then the door closed behind her, and I was alone with my thoughts, which was the last place I wanted to be.
Chapter 17
I tried not to think too hard about Ranée’s criticism over the next few days, but flashes of it returned every time I caught myself grinning at every text from Jack, or when we spent an hour Tuesday night flirting over Messenger.
