Page 64 of Finding Jack
I opened up my text messages and started drafting.
Hey. Sorry about last night. I was out of line. I was trying to—
I broke off typing and erased it all. What was I supposed to say? That I was trying to get Jack to spill some personal information he obviously didn’t want out there? He already knew that.
The “why” mattered a lot more here than the “what” did.
I tried typing again.I wanted to show you—
I stopped and deleted. No.
I set the phone down. I didn’t want to text. It was too easy to mistake tone, to get things wrong. This needed a more direct approach.
I ran my hands over my hair to tame any flyaways and thought about what I wanted to say. I’d give him the truth, but how much of it? Considering the twelve miserable hours I’d spent between last night and this morning, thinking and second-guessing everything, I didn’t know what else I had to lose. At this point, I wasn’t at all sure I would hear from Jack again. I couldn’t make things any worse.
The whole truth, then.
I picked up the phone and opened my messaging app. Then I took a deep breath, activated the camera, and hit “record.”
“Hi. I just want to say I’m sorry again for last night. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. You didn’t owe me any explanation, and I shouldn’t have pushed you for one. I definitely shouldn’t have treated it all like a big joke. I’m not even sure why I pushed so I hard. I think it’s because—” I broke off. I couldn’t bring myself to put everything out there. “Anyway,” I continued. “I’m sorry for digging into your past and bringing it up. It was wrong because it’s your life and your story to tell. Next time I’ll…” I trailed off. There wouldn’t be a next time. So I said that. “Next time nothing. This isn’t something I’ll ever do again. I’m really, really sorry.”
Then I ended the recording and sent it before I could talk myself out of it.
I half held my breath while I watched the screen, tapping it now and then to wake it up. A couple of minutes later, the little checkmark appeared next to my video telling me Jack had seen it. Another few minutes went by and the “…” thinking dots appeared.
Then they disappeared.
They reappeared.
It went on for a few more minutes until finally they disappeared, and I realized I’d been waiting for almost a half hour with no dots at all.
Jack had seen it. But he had nothing to say.
Chapter 24
For the next two days, I still didn’t hear from him. What I should have done was blow it off.
Prime me: “Whatever. I don’t have time for guys who get their feelings hurt that easily.”
Current me: *Refreshes phone madly.*
I knew it didn’t make sense. If I had heard the last of Jack, what had I lost, really? We weren’t in a relationship. We didn’t have a future. We didn’t owe each other anything.
But at a bare minimum, we’d become friends. And when it came down to it, that was no small thing. Friends whose senses of humor were as out there as your own…those were four leaf clovers in the weed patches of life. I would feel just as bad if I had this kind of fight with Ranée.
It was cold comfort to know I’d at least offered up a sincere apology. I’d done the only thing I could do to make things right.
On the third day, I still didn’t feel any better. I’d read a book recently where a character described the feeling of missing someone as losing a tooth and constantly poking at the hole in your mouth where it should be. That was how the silence felt between Jack and me.
It was absurd. And unsustainable. And I couldn’t do a thing about it but suck it up and move on.
I decided to pour my frustration into work, and I kicked on my afterburners for the rest of the week, scheduling more meetings, running more efficiency diagnostics, checking in personally with more of my team than I had since my promotion.
On Thursday morning, my assistant Hailey chased me down the hall waving a message slip at me. “Peter called.” I read over the message from my boss while she put her hands on her knees and caught her breath. “I’ve got four times as many steps as usual today, and we’re only halfway through. Just tell me, are you trying to kill me? Because if you are, I need to go upgrade my healthcare plan.”
“Peter wants to order lunch for the team tomorrow because we’re two days ahead of deadline. I’ll find out what everyone wants.”
Hailey straightened. “Boss, that’s my job. You have to let me do it. Go sit in your office and think management thoughts while I handle the details.”
