Page 111 of Finding Jack
“Em—”
“I need to finish before I lose my nerve.”
There was a long pause before a quiet, “Okay.”
“I was wrong. And out of line to say the things I said. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“I do. I didn’t get it then, but I think I have the tiniest sliver of empathy now. And it’s painful. I can’t imagine how much harder it was for you, working with those kids and losing them.” I paused to pull myself together. Jack let the silence rest, and I was thankful for a minute to think. “So the thing is, I’m hoping you can forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to—”
“Yes, there is. I’m so sorry I keep interrupting you, but I’m scared I won’t say this if I don’t blurt it out.” I took a deep breath. “I get it now. And I can’t believe I was so judgmental. You’re strong. You’re not a quitter. I’m sorry for everything I said. And I don’t know if you still want to make us work. I do. I don’t know how, but I was thinking I could spread out my vacation days, so I could take several long weekends through the year to come up and visit you. I’ve never done long-distance before, but people do it all the time. We can make this work, if…” I realized he hadn’t tried to interject for a while. “If you want to?”
A sigh met that. “Emily…”
All that followed was a long silence. I gripped the phone harder. What did I expect? I’d hurt him with words the last time we were together, and once those things were said, it took so much more than simple words to fix the damage.
“Jack?” I knew he was still there, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“You have bad timing.”
“Oh.” His voice was soft, but it felt like a slap. “Okay. I get it. I’ll let you go.”
“No, it’s not—” He broke off with a growl. There was a pause, and he started again. “I don’t want to give up on us, but I also don’t think long-distance is the right answer. The thing is, it’s one in the morning, and conversations tend to go way off the rails when my head isn’t clear. Can I call you tomorrow when I’ve got myself together?”
Considering the way I’d run out on him, it was worse than I’d hoped, but better than I’d feared.
Why did it leave me with such a tight fist of disappointment in my chest? He’d said,I don’t want to give up on us. But a polite request to talk about it in the morning wasn’t exactly a sign that he’d been eaten up with missing me the way I had with him.
I swallowed the disappointment and tried to compose myself. “Of course. Sorry, I shouldn’t have called so late.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I just need…I need to make sure I’m in the right place when we talk about this.”
“I get it. Why don’t you call me tomorrow when you’ve had time to think about it?”
“As if I could think about anything else now.” He sighed again. “Man, Emily. Whatever I thought you were going to say when you asked me to call you, this wasn’t it. Call you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sure. Good night.”
He hung up, and I turned to face the pub behind me and the uncertain future ahead of me.
I tapped a text to Ranée to tell her I was taking an Uber home. I spent the whole ride staring through the window without seeing anything, replaying my video message and our conversation in my head.
The one time when it had really mattered to get the words perfect, I’d failed. But I’d offered him the truth.
And if that wasn’t enough, I didn’t know what was left to say.
Chapter 42
The next morning, I was cooking breakfast when Sean walked in from taking Shep out.
“I’m taking omelet requests,” I said. He didn’t answer, and I looked up to find him frowning at his phone. “Sean? Something wrong?”
“Denver,” he said. I blinked at him. “My omelet.”
I turned to get some ham from the fridge. “You okay?”
